Double Yellow's Musings

Hiatus

2006-03-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

Shit has hit the fan. Its gonna be a while...

Singapore MRT Anagrams

2006-02-27T07:00:00.000-08:00

I read in Boing Boing, many city got anagram of their transit system. London lah, Toronto lah, Amsterdam lah... Singapore also must have one. We is the Singapore, we is the global city, we is the kiasu

I dun have ~~skill~~ time to put everything on a map. So here is the list of anagrams for all the MRT and LRT stations including the ones still in the pipeline.

Boon Lay – Y No Bola (thanks Winged Densetsu)Loan Boy
Lakeside – Sake deli, Sleek Aid, lake dies
Chinese Garden – Adherence Sign, Chained Greens, Crashed Engine
Jurong East – Just Orange, Ornate Jugs, Jute Sarong
Clementi – Me Client
Dover – Drove
Buona Vista – Avian Bouts
Commonwealth – Calm Hometown
Queenstown – New Quonset
Redhill – Drill Eh (thanks Winged Densetsu), Ill Herd
Tiong Bahru – Got Rub in Ah (thanks Winged Densetsu), Tough Brain
Outram Park – Rum Prata OK
Tanjong Pagar – Apt Nag Jargon
Raffles Place – Elf Race Flaps
City Hall – All Itchy
Bugis - Big Us
Lavender – Ever Land, DNA Lever, Elder Van
Kallang – Lank Gal
Aljunied – Laid June, Nude Jail
Payalebar – A Bare Play,
Eunos – Sue On
Kembangan – Me Nag Bank
Bedok – Bed OK
Tanah Merah – Ah Earthman, Tahan Harem
Simei – I Semi
Tampines – Mean Spit, Spin Team, Main Pest, Span Time
Pasir Ris – Sari Rips
Expo – Ex-Op
Changi Airport – Pirating Roach, Aching Airport
Bukit Batok – But Batik OK
Bukit Gombak -
Choa Chu Kang – Hack Chao Gnu, Hack An Cough
Yew Tee – Wet Eye
Kranji – Ink Jar
Marsiling – Main Girls
Woodlands – Downloads
Admiralty – Malt Diary, Tidy Alarm, Tri Malady
Sembawang – We Bans Mag
Yishun – I un Shy
Khatib – Bah Kit
Yio Chu Kang – Hacking You
Ang Mo Kio – Main Go Ok, I Among Ok
Bishan – Banish, Bash In
Braddell – Drab Dell,
Toa Payoh – Pay Too Ah
Novena – An Oven
Newton – Not New
Orchard – Char Rod
Somerset – Mere Toss, Tree Moss,
Dhoby Ghaut – Doughy Bath
Harbour Front – Fourth Barron
China Town – Ninth Waco
Clarke Quay – Lacy Quaker
Little India – Inlaid Title
Farrer Park – Far Err Park
Boon Keng – Knob Gone,
Potong Pasir – Pop Roasting, Poor Pasting, Poop Ratings, Opposing Art, Pisang Troop
Woodleigh – How I Ogled,
Serangoon – Orange Son, Noon Rages, Ones Organ, One Sarong,
Kovan – Van Ok
Hougang – Hung Ago
Buangkok – Bang UK OK
Sengkang -
Punggol – Long Pug
Pioneer – I Opener, Ripe One
Joo Koon -
South View – Shout View, Thou Wives
Keat Hong – Gate Honk
Teck Whye – Ketch Yew
Phoenix – Hope Nix
Ten Mile Junction – Jet Mount Incline, Inject Lemon Unit, Joint Mice Tunnel,
Bukit Panjang – Punjab Taking, Junk Paint Bag,
Chesnut – Unchest, Ten Such
Hill View – Will Hive
Hume – He Mu
Anak Bukit – Kabuki Ant
Dunearn – Dear Nun, Ran Nude
Sixth Avenue – Vein Exhaust
Eng Neo – No Gene
Botanic Gardens – Carbonated Sign, Ignore Cabstand, Acrobat Endings, Botanic Dangers, sanctioned garb,
Whitley – the Wily
Kampong Java -
Beach Road – Head Cobra
Petir - Tripe
Bangkit – Big Tank, Knit Bag
Pending – Ping End
Fajar -
Segar- Gears, Rages
Jelapang – Jag Plane
Senja - Jeans
Soo Teck – Toe Sock
Sumang – Guns Ma
Nibong - Boning
Samudera – Dream USA, Urea Dams,
Punggol Point – Pop Nut Ogling
Teck Lee – Leek Etc
Sam kee – As Meek
Damai – A Maid
Oasis – Is Sao
Kalaloor - Lala Rook (thanx Elvin), A Roll Oak
Riveria – I arrive
Coral Edge – Caged Role, Cereal Dog, Large Coed,
Meridian – Dear Mini, Main Ride,
Cove -
Compassvale – Salsa PC Move, plasma coves
Rumbia – Bum Air
Bakau – A Baku
Kangkar -
Ranggung – Gang Rung
Renjong -
Tongkang – Gang Knot
Layar – A Lyra
Fernvale – Fan Lever
Thangam – Hang Mat
Kupang – Pang UK
Farmway – Warm Fay
Cheng Lim – Cling Hem
Bartley – Let Bray
Tai Seng - Teasing
Dakota – Data Ok
Mountbatten – Meant Button
Stadium – Smut Aid
Nicoll highway – Oh Aching Willy
Promenade – Roman Peed,
Bayfront – ban Forty
Landmark – Damn Karl
Cross Street – Escorts Rest
Esplanade – Sandal Pee
Bras Basah – Abash Bras
Shenton way – Anyhow Sent, Wants Honey, Honest Yawn,
Telok Blangah – All Bathe Kong, Lethal Bang Ok, Long Lake Bath
Labrador Park – Dark Rap Labor
Pasir Panjang – Sparing Japan (thanks Hafiz for pointing out the earlier error)
West Coast – State Cows
Kent Ridge – Gender Kit, Get Kinder,
One North – One Thorn, No Throne
Holland Village – Held Vanilla Log
Farrer – Far Err
Bukit Brown – Bub Tinwork,
Thomson – No Moths
Marymount – Many Tumor
Lorong Chuan – Churn Lagoon

Singapore Forum on Politics 2006

2006-02-25T18:00:00.000-08:00

I went to the Singapore Forum on Politics 2006 today. Organized by the Political Science Department of National University of Singapore (NUS) and supported by the Konrad-Adenauer-Stiftung (KAS) foundation. It was the title of the forum that made me attend the event in the first place – The (In)Significance of Political Elections in Singapore

Saturday morning. 9 AM. The only place I wanted to be was in bed. But this forum was interesting enough for me to trudge my way to NUS. On the bus, there were a number of students in school uniforms headed that way and I was impressed. But alas, my happiness was short-lived. They were all going for an audition or something.

After registration, I entered the lecture theatre which after a while felt like Antarctica. All the speakers were gathered in the front, socializing with each other. Everybody in the front two seats seemed to know everybody else. After a while it looked like the media was there too. More hugging and photographs.

After an introduction by Dr Colin Duerkop from KAS, the chair for the forum, Dr Kenneth Paul Tan began proceedings.

The first speaker was Dr Gillian Koh. She spoke about political legitimacy, the notion of contestability and political socialization. According to Koh, the policy agenda of the PAP government need not be seen just as a 5-year cycle for gaining electoral votes but one that covers bread and butter issues such as jobs, wages, cost of living as well as social inclusion. The basis for political legitimacy in Singapore is growth, meritocracy and social inclusion, social cohesion and deliberative decision-making. For Koh, the PAP cares for each and every voter.

With assistance of numbers, Dr Koh showed that the number of contested seats in Singapore has declined from 1984 (49 seats were contested) to date (in 2001, 29 seats were contested). With the help of Dilbert analogies, which I think the audience didn’t really understand, Dr Koh elaborated that electoral boundaries in Singapore does not really matter because it is so small.

Dr Koh stressed on the issue of political socialization. She said that the tastes of Singaporeans have been shaped for 40 years. In Singapore, it is bread and butter issues that matter more than self-actualization. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is what prevails here. Concluding with possible sources of change in the current political climate, Dr Koh spoke about changes in the PAP internal logic or Singaporeans taking a liking to post-materialist values (heritage, environment and the arts), foreigners in Singapore and lastly, political imagination

Overall, Dr Koh set a good base for discussion. Although her presentation was a bit academic (not that I am complaining), she clearly identified reasons why the PAP has been in power since independence and if things needed to change, it was up to Singaporeans.

The next speaker was James Gomez. He spoke at length on the Workers Party’s recently released manifesto. For Gomez, the current political situation in Singapore is depressing. The number of Singaporeans who get to vote during general elections is decreasing and the system favors the ruling party. In an effort to make democracy more ‘meaningful’, he said that the manifesto provided Singaporeans with a choice and an environment where competition is real.

It was a good thing that he spoke about the Workers Party proposal. Coz I haven’t read it. I only know about the timebombs. Yes, I am that apathetic. Anyways, the proposals in the manifesto included abolishing the elected presidency, setting up of an independent election commission, electoral boundary changes to be announced one year before elections, removal of the Group Representative Councils (GRCs), right to vote for all overseas Singaporeans, proportional representation as well as amendments to the constitution over the right to vote.

The talk was fine up to this point. Gomez went on to speak about activities of the Workers Party in the different GRCs and this is where things began to not only get confusing but also boring. Everyone in the theatre was looking at everyone else and there were a few yawns. Overall, Gomez’s presentation was essentially from the point of view of the Workers Party. It did not offer any independent analysis (not sure how it could have in the first place) and the presentation could definitely be spruced up.

The third speaker on the panel was Viswa Sadasivan. I think he rescued the audience from the monotonous presentation of Gomez. I was impressed with the humorous way Sadasivan went across making his point. He was glad that he was not part of the mainstream media today because of the way they report political activities. He said that there was a lot of gap between where the media is today and where the OB markers are. Journalists today, he said, do not know why they joined the profession and they do not know how the push the envelope. To them, it was increasingly, just a job.

He spoke about Rajaratnam and the PAP to make the point that there is space for more engaging political discussion in Singapore. It used to be a lot more in the 1980s. Going back to the media, he said that there was no leadership or professionalism today. He gave three recommendations. First, he would like to see more critical commentaries in the newspapers. Second, better and fairer coverage of the opposition (the media can take much better photos he says) and finally, a lot more forums and debates. In short, Sadasivan felt that there was a lot more room for integrity and ingenuity in the Singapore media.

The next speaker was Chandra Mohan. He spoke on Singapore’s constitution. He prefaced his comments by saying that the PAP government was run very well, by good and intelligent people. But there needs to be more tolerance towards defamation. According to Mohan, power in Singapore still lies with the people. The question is how to increase interest in politics. He offered a few suggestions – junior parliament and more deliberation on political issues.

He too called for a separate committee to decide on when elections are held. He also supported the NMP’s role today. He said that Singaporeans need to make use of any platform that is given to them. He went on to speak about the history of our Parliament house and also said that the people should still vote even if there is no contest to the Presidential office.

He peppered his talk with some anecdotes which I think the audience found entertaining, especially one about an elephant in front of the old Parliament house – thankfully it was not white, he said. Unfortunately, he ran out of time and had to stop before he could talk on our cabinet members.

The penultimate speaker was Dr Geh Min. She said that although she is in her 50s, she has never voted in Singapore. She addressed three questions in her talk. Are the elections in Singapore significant? Do we have the government we want? Is political choice important? And her emphatic answer to all three questions is Yes!

Dr Geh Min went to elaborate on the queries she posed. She said that there are three key players in an election – the ruling party, the opposition and the electorate. She said that the PAP government likes to take the moral high ground. It is very competitive and there is a lot of healthy competition between PAP members. According to Geh Min, the fact that we have elections is good because it makes the PAP government listen beter.

She decided to take an ad hoc poll from the audience about whether people thought we had the government we wanted. Less than 50% of the people put up their hands. Dr Geh Min said that the PAP government is remaking itself to be the government we want. She believes that it is a consultative government now. As the president of the Nature Society in Singapore, Geh Min said that the government was listening when it came to Chek Jawa. The U-turn involved a lot of money but the government still listened and made the right choice.

Dr Geh Min concluded by saying that political choice is important in the long-run. Although she or any of the other speakers did not elaborate on what they meant by long-term, she said a healthy society can only come about through diversity and a lack of choice would eventually be detrimental to Singapore.

The final speaker was Dr Kirpal Singh who spoke on alternative models to the electoral system. He said that Singapore lacks dreamers or even if it has some of them, they are not recognized and rewarded today. He stressed that the Singapore dream should not be deferred and if we do so, there is a chance we may explode one day.

He threw up the idea of whether the U.S. form of democracy is better suited for us than the British model. Giving an analogy about Microsoft being the dominant player in the software market, Singh said that too much of a monopoly can lead to unfair practice. He was quite critical against people in Singapore complaining behind the veil of anonymity. He said that it is important for Singapore is the long-run for people to take responsibility for what they say.

Singh also raised the question about the number of times opposition leaders are invited to state functions. He said that this should be made a practice and even suggested that leaders of political parties in Singapore should be paid salaries. Singh highlighted the difference between legitimacy and credibility and he said that the latter is necessary for the growth of a strong, viable Singapore.

Singh also said that creativity can only be there when there is space for an alternative voice. If it is always about conformity and consensus, then we are heading the wrong way. He said that this change can be brought out only by a confident government and our current government is a self-assured one. Speaking on post-electoral democracy, Singh said that the PAP government should be embarrassed with the current state of political affairs. He concluded by saying that a level-playing field would be a sign of maturity.

DISCLAIMER: The above is my interpretation of what transpired at the forum. Although I have tried my level best to put forth the views of the speakers, I cannot give any guarantee on the accuracy of the above statements. Please use at your own risk. If something has been wrongly attributed to any of the speakers, please let me know and I will arrange to correct it immediately.

P.S: I also have the Q &A session written down but will transcribe it only if people are interested and I recover from my carpal tunnel syndrome.

S. Rajaratnam Passes Away

2006-02-22T23:00:00.000-08:00

Former Singapore Deputy Prime Minister, S. Rajaratnam has passed away. Just 3 days shy of his 91st birthday, he died of heart failure.

Sinnathamby Rajaratnam was born on 25 Feb 1915 in Jaffna, Sri Lanka. He grew up in Seremban and Selangor and studied at Victoria Institution in Kuala Lumpur and then Raffles Institution in Singapore. He worked for The Straits Times as a journalist and decided to join Singapore politics in 1959. He held positions of Minister of Culture, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Minister for Labour, Second Deputy Minister of Singapore and Senior Minister.

Lets not forget the old guard…

Channelnewsasia Report
Channelnewsasia Obituary – there is a place to send condolence messages and also view a video
Wikipedia Entry

Licence Fees and Foreign Dramas

2006-02-18T17:00:00.000-08:00

More numbers again. Not 1, Not 2, not even 3 but a whopping $111,000,000 was collected by the gahmen for TV and radio licence fees during the last financial year. See here.

This money has been used to fund 3000 hours of public service programmes, including National Day Rally and National Day broadcasts. And 8% of the money goes towards foreign movies and dramas. Hang on... 8 percent? That is $8,880,000 !!

Oh well, I guess it’s not much to carp about since those are about the only times when we don’t get public service programmes :)

2.16m Eligible Voters in Singapore

2006-02-18T02:00:00.000-08:00

An interesting piece of news with which we can probably do some even interesting analysis later… :)

Nearly 2.16 million Singaporeans are eligible to vote in the coming general election. Their names are listed in the Registers of Electors which have been certified by the Elections Department on Friday.

Registers for the 23 electoral divisions are now open for inspection. This can be done at the Elections Department in Prinsep Street and 104 Inspection Centres located in community centres and clubs.

Singaporeans can also check the registers on-line via the Elections Department website at www.elections.gov.sg. The registers contain a total of 2,158,439 names. Among them, 857 are registered as overseas electors. They will be able to vote at eight Overseas Polling Stations located at the Singapore diplomatic missions in Canberra, Beijing, Hong Kong, Shanghai, Tokyo, London, Washington and San Francisco. - CNA/ch

Copyright © 2006 MCN International Pte Ltd

Touché, mTouche

2006-02-17T19:00:00.000-08:00

Singapore consumers are up in arms again. A company called mTouche billed some mobile phone customers $1 for a SMS about Chinese New Year. Our mainstream media don’t seem to have picked up this story. Maybe hor, they are preoccupied with the inclusive-beyond-expectation budget :)

Anyways, a few people wrote to the newspaper about the extra charge and guess what, mTouche published a ‘clarification’ in the Class Ad section of Today today.

mTouche Pte Ltd, a premium mobile aggregator for business-to-consumer SMS, would like to make the following clarification

Wah! Clarification also must say you are the best issit? Next time hor, can do even better.... mTouche Pte Ltd, soon to be Fortune 500 company offering 100% dividend to all shareholders and looking to expand into the Chinese and Indian markets, would like to make the following clarification

.... erroneously billed $1 due to technical error

Aah! I get it. The unsolicited SMS was not wrong at all. It was the stoopid computer that screwed up your marketing strategy. So if we consumers want to sue someone, we should take legal action against the CPU and monitor. Thank you hor...

mTouche has immediately terminate the shortcode and service of MyGlobal Fun and have also sought the help of all the mobile operators to reverse the charge to all affected mobile phone users

What in the world is shortcode? Tsk tsk, techie jargon gets you nowhere dude. You sent us unsolicited SMS thinking we were bodohs right? Well, we are. And hey, it isn’t enuf if you refund the $1 you know. We are Singaporeans, must offer us free unsolicited SMS during Chinese New Year for the next 5 years. And an extra SMS during National Day for the bad English.

mTouche, I have a suggestion for you. Quickly change your name to ‘New mTouche’. You have a better chance of being forgiven :)

Valentine’s Day History & the Uniquely Singaporean Version

2006-02-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

On Feb 14 every year, people scramble to get buy flowers, book restaurants, go for holidays, exchange gifts, yadda yadda yadda – all in the name of expressing their love on Valentine’s Day. Of course, there are people who do better things on this day coz they are single (and loving it!) or they find the whole concept glorified (and the prices of flowers and restaurants exorbitant!). Irrespective of whether we celebrate Feb 14 or treat it as just another normal day, I think many of us don’t really know the history and significance of this day.

Valentine’s Day or more rightly St. Valentine’s Day is celebrated on Feb 14 every year in honor of Saint Valentine. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, Saint Valentine could have been either a priest in Rome, a bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) or a martyr in the Roman province of Africa. How in the world did a priest, bishop or a martyr become a symbol of love? Ah, this is where history turns murky. So Valentine’s Day could be for all you know a myth that has survived through the generations.

The relationship between St. Valentine’s Day and romantic, sentimental actions was first recorded in 14th century England and France. But in 1969, the Catholic Church removed St. Valentine’s Day as a public holiday from its calendar. I doubt if this had anything to do with the Vietnam War, probably more with the hippie culture. But the rebels ‘prevailed’ and Valentine’s Day is still commemorated today.

Despite the Western and Christian leanings of the romantic Feb 14, other cultures too have their own conceptions of this day. The Chinese Valentine’s Day or Qi Xi falls on the seventh day of the seventh month on the lunar calendar. And so for 2006, it is actually celebrated on 31 July. The Japanese too have their indigenous notion called Tanabata and White Day analogous to the Korean Black Day. The Brazilians have a conception of Boyfriend/Girlfriend Day on June 12; a similar one for the Colombians on the third Friday and Saturday of September.

In Singapore, we are looking for new creative ways to boost retail sales and the Feb 14 Valentine’s Day nicely falls during the ‘offpeak’ period. Every hotel, florist, cruise ship operator and jeweler marks up prices so that when Singaporeans publicly articulate their love, they will spend more and boost the economy. We is Singapore, we is pragmatic.

But since we are Singapore, we also cannot lose out to other countries. So I think we need to have a local conception of Valentine’s Day. What better way than to have a St. Gahmen Day where we all profess our lurve to our gahmen! On this day, all bus and cab prices will be marked up 10% and GST will be increased to 50%. How? :)

Local Media wins News Entertainment Award

2006-02-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

Everybody clap! Our local media behemoth, Mediacorp, has won some awards which it can’t but gloat about.

Mediacorp Radio was awarded the best entertainment radio website. I’m not really sure if this was a scoop because Mediacorp practically runs every known radio frequency I listen to....

The bestest part concerns Channelnewsasia, part of Mediacorp News. Channelnewsasia was the most visited website under the .... [drumroll] .... Entertainment Television category. Ahem, when your biggest news channel gets voted for entertainment, I think it’s a sign :)

Keep up the good work fellas.... your news reports are giving Hollywood a run for its entertainment $$ and of course, ensures that I get my daily dose of humor :)

The bestest way to fight Depression

2006-02-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

I was wondering why I had not smiled even once the whole of last week. Instead of paying the doc for his holiday to some exotic destination or helping pharma companies ignore bird flu in Asia, I think I may have found the bestest way to fight depression under ONE dollar!! And the answer lay at your doorstep... everyday at 6 AM.

There is no better way to fight depression than to read the local newspapers :)

I have one week of newspaper reading to catch up.... I can feel myself smiling even as I write this :p

NUS MBA Ranking Declassified

2006-02-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

After I wrote yesterday that the NUS MBA ranking was top secret, it looks like our media finally got permission to declassify it...

And guess what, not only did they reveal that NUS was ranked 92nd on the list, it was also divulged that they got it wrong when they said that NUS was on the list for the first time :) Apparently, NUS was ranked 89th in 2001 and 99th in 2002.

Oh well, in publishing the correction, I guess there was no space to write about why NUS was not on the list in 2003, 2004 and 2005....

This information is pending declassification :)

NUS MBA Ranking Top Secret

2006-02-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

The headline screamed, “NUS course on honour roll” and the subheading said, “University's MBA programme among top 100 in the world: Financial Times”.

NUS course on honour roll
University's MBA programme among top 100 in the world: Financial Times
Friday • February 3, 2006
Lin Yanqin
yanqinl@newstoday.com.sg

NUS Business School's MBA programme has just received a big boost from the Financial Times (FT), which ranked the full-time programme among the top 100 in the world. The programme was also ranked in the top five in terms of International Mobility, ranking below only Switzerland's IMD, Trinity College Dublin, France's ESCP-EAP and London Business School. The International Mobility ranking traces the employment movements of alumni after they graduate. The high ranking means that NUS' graduates are able to find employment almost anywhere in the world, and the MBA is well-recognised internationally.

NUS also ranked highly in areas such as international experience that students receive during their education, value for money, and percentage of women faculty and women students. This is the first time NUS made it into the top 100 of the FT's MBA ranking exercise, which is into its eighth year. The dean of NUS Business School, Professor Christopher Earley, is delighted by his school's latest accomplishment.

"This is an outstanding achievement, especially when one looks at the sheer quality of the field, which includes almost the entire who's who of top business education all over the world," he said.

The Financial Times MBA 2006 list is topped by University of Pennsylvania's Wharton Business School followed by Harvard Business School, and Stanford Graduate School of Business. The ranking is based on areas such as the alumni's career development, the diversity of each school and its programme, and each school's research capabilities. Proud of the particularly high ranking of NUS Business School for niche areas even when it was compared to the top US and European schools, Prof Earley said: "This is an affirmation of how we are constantly responding to specific market needs and interests." He added: "At the end of the day, our real competitive edge will come from not only a solid overall ranking but also from being among the very best in the world for specialised areas."

France's business school Insead, which has its Asian campus in Singapore, is ranked eighth. The other Asian universities that made it to the list are China European International Business School (21st) and Hong Kong University of Science and Technology Business School (47th). For the full Global MBA rankings 2006, visit rankings.ft.com/rankings/mba/rankings.html.

According to the article, the Asian universities that made it to the list are China European International Business School (21st) and Hong Kong University of Science and Technology Business School (47th). But no matter how many times I read the piece, I could not figure out what was the NUS’s position on the list. I think it must be top secret, that’s why they refuse to tell us :)

However, a quick visit to the Financial Times website (courtesy of the article), tells me that NUS’s ranking is… [drumroll] … 92nd!! Oh, now I understand why the article left out the rank. We did not beat the Chinese and Hong Kong universities. I guess it sounds better that our MBA is among the top 100 than to say it ranks 92nd :)

Our newspaper also said that,

The [NUS MBA] programme was also ranked in the top five in terms of International Mobility, ranking below only Switzerland's IMD, Trinity College Dublin, France's ESCP-EAP and London Business School.

What it did not tell you was that France's ESCP-EAP, which was number 3 on the International Mobility scale, it was actually ranked 99th (read: below NUS) in the overall rankings!! So I’m not sure if this International Mobility thingy reflects anything meaningful at all … :)

Lost your phone? Lose your car

2006-02-01T22:00:00.000-08:00

I must say, we come up with some of the wackiest innovations in the world. Ok, the Japanese ones are one up on us but we are giving them a run for their er, wackiness :)

For a long while I thought we were aiming to be the waste hub of the world with interesting toilet innovations. But to remain competitive in the global economy, it looks like we have moved up the value chain. The new innovation is a service which helps you track, unlock and immobilize your car via your handphone.

Interesting. According to a driver who was interviewed said,

When I was in Malacca last week, my wife could track where I was over the computer.

Er, I’m not sure how many people really want their spouses to track them :) Moreover, an employee of the Singapore company said,

In the event that a car owner doesn't pay two or three instalments, the finance company can recover the vehicle via the computer, or it can immobilise the car anytime

Now, now… if I were a car owner (I’m not) then why in the world would I pay for a service through which my finance company can immobilize my car? Or even if the finance company pays for this service, why would I even agree to buy such a car?

That’s not all...

I guess our reporters were too busy to ask the company as to what would happen to your car if you happen to loose your handphone? Heheh... your guess is as good as mine :)

Aiyah, all you brilliant people go and invent something useful can? Like a device built into the steering wheel that will slap the driver every time he/she cuts into other people’s lane or parks in a place meant for the disabled :)

Happy Chinese New Year!

2006-01-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

Here’s wishing all readers a happy and prosperous Year of the Dog!

The long weekend has been a good break so far but today was off to rather somber start. Why you ask? Coz there was no The Straits Times or Today to make me laugh :)

Anyways, here are the qualities of people born in the Year of the Dog

People born in the Year of the Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other people’s confidence because they know how to keep secrets. But Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric. They care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties. They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues. Dog people make good leaders. They are compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit.

Now I'm not sure how many of those qualities are really true when you compare it to the celebrities born in the Year of the Dog.

Ava Gardner, actress
George W. Bush, President of the United States
Bill Clinton, Former President of the United States
Claudia Schiffer, supermodel
George McGovern, former presidential candidate
David Gilmour, guitarist & vocalist of Pink Floyd
Andre Agassi, professional tennis player
David Bowie, British Rock and Roll Musician
Madonna, singer, actress, author
Laura Bush, First Lady of the United States
Michael Jackson, singer, actor
Daniel Libeskind, architect
Donald Trump, Real Estate Tycoon, Host and Executive Producer of "The Apprentice"
Christopher Lee, actor
Steven Spielberg, director, producer
Sylvester Stallone, actor
Howard Shore, Canadian film musical score composer
Elvis Presley, singer
Viggo Mortensen, actor
Winston Churchill, former British prime minister
Herbert Hoover, Former President of the United States
Eric West, singer, actor
Uma Thurman, actress
Dakota Fanning, child actress born on February 23, 1994
Paul Butcher, actor from Zoey 101
Gary Oldman, actor, director, producer
Carleo Boza, voice actor
Mother Teresa, Albanian Catholic nun

Coz on one hand, you have George Bush and on the other Mother Teresa. No matter which way I look at it, I can never seem to put both of them together on any list :)

Oh and my wish for the New Year is that Singaporeans will treat their pets better… :)

Thank You Mr. Newspaper

2006-01-28T15:00:00.000-08:00

Today, one of our newspapers decided to make its readers happy by publishing only good news.

Such a charitable thought should be thanked. According to survey done by them, 89.5% of Singaporeans are happy. If that’s the case, the Happy Issue is probably meant for those 10% of people who ~~dared to say~~ said they were unhappy.

Anyways, I want to let our darling news media know that they need not try too hard to make me happy. They just have to keep doing what they do and it will put a smile on my face. Like publishing this letter which praises er, themselves :)

From here

Looking forward to Today

Weekend • January 28, 2006

Letter from Andy Heah

THANK you for being my constant companion in Australia where I am pursuing my undergraduate studies, and at home in Singapore where I am currently visiting.

Many thanks also to the everyday unsung heroes who have delivered the "hardcopy" version of Today to my doorstep in Bishan at 6.45am sharp, 6 days a week, rain or shine, since 2003.

Sometimes, some mysterious neighbour pinches my copy of Today if I wake up a little late, and leaves me frustrated for the morning. This has prompted me to set my alarm clock to ring at the delivery time so that I can get my copy before someone else does.

Still, I do not complain as I can get the afternoon edition of Today at the Shenton Way office where I am now an intern, or at the nearest 7-Eleven store.

I also avidly download your daily PDF version, forwarding it to my friends overseas to generate interest in the issues of the day, which may then be followed up by a blog or forum posting. In a way, your paper has been a catalyst in setting us thinking critically.

I have discovered a fondness for your Voices section, enjoying especially the articles presented in Focus on the Family, I Say, Face in the Crowd and Coffee With sub-sections. Other focus sections I have found valuable are Eat Out, News Comment, Succeed and CareersToday.

I am also heartened that you have chosen not to simply plagiarise blogger's entries like your competitor has, but instead have persuaded the doyens of the local blogging community — such as mr brown, Mr Miyagi and Izzy — to contribute articles.

This regard for bloggers, I reckon, is the envy of established papers elsewhere and the global blogosphere. Thank you and keep up the good work in the competition for eyeballs!

I never quite realized that one of our newspapers was now “the envy of established papers elsewhere and the global blogosphere”… oh well, today was meant to be a Happy Issue afterall :)

Introducing the Soccer Pitch GRC

2006-01-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

Continuing the Uniquely Singaporean tradition of handling neighbor troubles, someone wrote to the newspaper yesterday about noise from soccer courts....

This letter is also a typical case of Singapore’s national hobby – compraining. He is a witness to teenagers hanging around everywhere – “sheltered walkway, playground, void deck, badminton court, pavilion, event hall etc”. He has supposedly also seen these teenagers “vandalise the facilities, shout vulgarities, misbehave with their female friends”.

And did this letter writer attempt to talk (and I don’t mean yell) to these teenagers? No! He instead decides to write to the newspaper and tells the gahmen – “I’ve done my part. Now it’s your problem”.

And his solution? Have the soccer pitch relocated!!!!

Yeah, let’s relocate soccer pitches from around the island to one area. And so that this locality accurately reflects Singapore culture, let’s call it…. [drumroll] …. Soccer Pitch!! Hey, we have done it before – calling Marina Bay as er, Marina Bay and more recently, Budget Terminal as ahem, Budget Terminal. Let all the vandalizing, vulgarity shouting and misbehaving teenagers go to this area allowing their fellow countrymen (like the letter writer) to live in paradise.

During election time, Soccer Pitch can be magically transformed into Soccer Pitch GRC. The winner can be chosen through a competition, ~~possibly one of the very few in coming GE~~ – who can shout Hokkien expletives, spray paint, frolic with his girlfriend and bend the ball like David Beckham all at the same time. Interesting, no? :)

P.S: I think some people need to be dropped off deep in the Borneo jungles. But then, they might just find access to the internet and write to the newspapers from there - and comprain on the lack of toilet paper or cable television.

Mr. Bomb-astic comes to Singapore

2006-01-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ever since I read this interesting piece of news....

(The Sunday Times, 22 Jan 2006)

.... for some reason, I can’t seem to get this song out of my head....

Mr. Low-er Low-er
they call me Mr. Bomb-astic
say me fantastic
touch me in my back
they say bomb
bomb
bomb

Mr. Low-er Low-er
they call me Mr. Bomb-astic
say me fantastic
touch me in my back
they say bomb
bomb
bomb

Only in Singapore can you build a time-bomb with no chemicals whatsoever :)

Uniquely Singapore Guide for Neighbor Quarrels

2006-01-22T23:00:00.000-08:00

Going by letters to the newspaper over the last week,

From here

And here

…. it looks like Singaporeans have neighbor problems. In order to resolve this issue, Singaporeans follow a distinctive guide.

- make louder noise than your neighbor
- close all doors and windows and make your flat sound-proof
- comprain to the police
- comprain to your town council
- comprain to your MP
- write a letter to the newspaper

Everything except talking to the neighbor and attempting to resolve the problem.

Somehow, if a neighbor thinks he is Nelly till wee hours of the morning or Wayne Rooney in the soccer court below your block, it’s the gahmen’s problem. They need to do something about this menace. The law-abiding Singaporean will inform the gahmen of the problem, maybe even offer some ‘uniquely Singaporean’ suggestions like fining noisy neighbors… once done, its not his/her problem anymore.

Maybe hor, Singaporeans need to start a petition to ban neighbors :)

Did Race really matter? – Part III

2006-01-21T18:00:00.000-08:00

For some reason, our media lurves to identify a person’s race for the fun of it. This is not the first time. This time, a man drowned near the Asian Civilization Museum a few days ago...

The deceased, a 27-year-old Indian man, was swimming wearing only a pair of boxer shorts early yesterday morning when he disappeared into the water.

Now, now... how exactly did the fact he was ‘Indian’ matter? Can only an Indian man drown in the Singapore River?

Well, here’s another one last week... a freak accident where a fridge fell three stories and hit a woman on a scooter.

The mini fridge, measuring 1m by 30cm by 30cm, rolled off a coffeeshop awning before hitting a Malay woman riding pillion on her husband's scooter in the carpark.

Again, does it matter that a Malay woman was riding pillion on the scooter? Would the fridge have not hit her if she was of some other race?

The identification with race only seeks to distinguish the victim as belonging to a certain community. This is ok if race does have something to do with the whole issue. The unnecessary use only seeks to deepen stereotypes about a particular community, something we can all do without.

Detractors will tell you that the use of race is only for description purposes. Really? How is this description attained? By the color of the skin? By the fact that someone wears a tudung, cheongsam or sari? How shallow is that? Racial identity is something that goes beyond physical descriptions. In a world of so many mixed marriages, the pigeon-holing of people into racial categories is passé.

I’ve also pointed out an earlier instance where our media have unnecessarily used race when reporting on PSLE results. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – removing race is a first step towards removing racism.

Uniquely Singaporean law for Bloggers

2006-01-19T23:00:00.000-08:00

Wif all these stoopid bloggers getting into trouble for defamation and sedition ~~and in the process keeping the Singapore authorities busy~~, there is a need to discuss the nexus between law and blogosphere.

This one not very simppel ok. We must be creative and come up with a uniquely Singaporean way of helping deviant bloggers. Here goes...

I think the courts in Singapore need to set up what can be creatively called Bloggers Court. In this court, all kings of blogger related cases can be heard – defamation lah, sedition lah, bloggers who attempt impersonate other bloggers, bloggers who anyhowly revoke votes etc etc. As a rule, all these bloggers need to given access to a lawyer whose ONLY aim is to expose the annual salaries of the person suing them :) This will put a lot of bloggers at ease....

Even if the blogger is convicted of the online crime, I think the blog should not be shut down. Instead, in a uniquely Singaporean manner, we should allow the blog to continue by adding the prefix ‘New’ to the blog name. You know, 'DoubleYellow' becomes ‘The New DoubleYellow’ :)

Surely, this is a win-win situation, no? :)

Rain or Shine, Singapore grows

2006-01-18T22:30:00.000-08:00

No matter what nature throws at us, our economy goes well. Shining sun, we do well. Pouring rain, we also do well. We is the Singapore!

Out of the gazillion things happening in our country, our media found this extremely ‘important’ piece of news. One of the taxi companies here, Comfort Delgro experienced a record number of calls for booking their taxis in a single day. 75,000 calls on 12 Jan 2006.

Wow! Am sure this is a world record. No? At least an Asian record. No? At least a Southeast Asian record. No? I mean, this has to be an achievement in some sense, correct or not? If not, it’s very unlike our media to even bother reporting such stuff :)

I think our journalists are very busy. When reporting the above article, they must not have had the time to enquire about

- the average number of calls Comfort gets in a day
- whether all the 75,000 calls came from different people
And most importantly,
- the number of those 75,000 calls who actually got cabs

Maybe our media thinks such questions are not important. I mean, the only thing that matters when elections are round the corner is that our gahmen-linked companies are doing well, rain or shine. Correct or not? :)

Say Hello to Media Astrology

2006-01-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

Our media has acquired a new skill – astrology. On Tuesday, 10 Jan 2006, the TODAY newspaper, which is run by Mediacorp, reported that the most likely candidate as the co-host for Singapore Idol 2006 is Daniel Ong.

And guess what, a couple of days later, the new co-host of the show is … [drumroll] … Daniel Ong!! The TODAY newspaper then reported (12 Jan 2006) that they had "predicted" that Daniel Ong would be the co-host.

I wouldn’t have give much thought about this forecast ~~coz Singapore Idol sucks~~ if it were not for the fact that Singapore Idol is shown on Channel 5, which is run by ... [drumroll] ... Mediacorp!!.

Interesting. Very interesting. Maybe we intend to become Astrology Hub soon?

How we can become World Beaters

2006-01-10T07:00:00.001-08:00

In a HDB flat not so far away....

Father: Son, come here. I bought something for you.
Son: Yes Dad
Father: Here, this is for you

Father gives son a globe

Son: Thanks Dad. I’ll put it on my desk.
Father: No son. I want you to hit, punch and bang it.
Son: What?
Father: Yes. That’s about the only way you are going to be a world beater!

As if it were not enough that our local media keeps comparing us with other countries, Newsweek man Fareed Zakaria has done it too. The only difference in the latter analysis is that we are not the bestest in the world. He compares Singaporean and American students and asks why despite us doing so well in exams, we fare poorly in the ‘real world’.

The ‘real world’ according to Zakaria seems to be narrowly (and implicitly) defined as the world of ‘science’ and ‘business’. I don’t even want to dwell on the vast fields he has left out, ~~not that Singaporeans have excelled any better in those~~. But what is lacking in Zakaria's assessment is causality - academic excellence in school does not necessarily translate into success in the world of 'science' or 'business', at least in Singapore's context.

In order to succeed in the world of science, there needs to be a passion for blue-sky research and a Phd is a must. The ‘problem’ with getting a Phd is that it takes a lot of time, commitment, money and passion to achieve. There are many Singaporeans with Phds and the zeal for science but once these people come back to Singapore, there is not much scope for blue-sky research. Why? Because getting the Nobel Prize is not one of our objectives. Read the following comment carefully and no prizes for guessing who made them....

'In Singapore, we have a small population, we have no such luxury to do basic science. The key is to be practical. We cannot have everything. By nature, I want to see some outcome...I want something I can feel and touch, and knock.'

'My job is to create jobs. It's not just to create great science and great things. Don't forget Nobel Prizes don't create jobs. Research, to me, is a means to an end. The end, to me, is to attract and encourage local companies and MNCs and create jobs for all Singaporeans, from the CEO down to the cleaning lady.'

From here....

Let me clarify. I am not criticizing the person who made the above comments (scared, kenna sue). I am merely stating that there is no ambiguity as far as Singapore's objectives in science research is concerned.

So the main area for research here is when it can be converted to $$ and this leads us to the ‘business world’. Doing well in Math, Physics and Chemistry Olympiads have NOTHING to do with creating a product to sell in the market place. Succeeding in business requires a totally different skill-set. Journalists thrive on correlation but when causality is brought into the picture, they dont have a story.

Anyways, I’m probably gonna buy a globe this evening :)

Wazzup with Cheapo Ads?

2006-01-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

Looks like it’s that time of the year. Lotsa cheap ads on TV. Courts has this ad where they apologize for low budget ads and supposedly offer high quality deals.

I don’t understand this marketing strategy. They are saving on ad costs to offer better value on their products? Right, and I was born yesterday :) Coming to think about it, this might backfire in the future. Coz if their logic is right, a non-low budget ad from Courts anytime in the coming years will not be offering the bestest value :)

One of the worst ads ever..ever..ever made with a celebrity has to go to Tiger Beer with Jessica Alba. You can watch it here. Don’t ask me why, but I decided to pay a visit to Tiger Beer’s website and chanced upon an online poll.

The choices are hilarious! Maybe they took a cue from the options that Singaporeans have during election time :)

Talking about cheap beer ads, have you seen the new Carlsberg ad featuring Adrian Pang? Yuck! I know it’s for Chinese New Year and all, but does it really have to be that repugnant?

I Lurve my Gahmen Campaign

2006-01-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Lotsa ppl say that when the gahmen calls for the updating the electoral register and the electoral boundaries are ~~redrawn~~ released, elections are round the corner. These so-called Singapore politics experts are missing an important piece in the puzzle.

The National Library Board has launched a campaign (yet another testament to our campaign hub status) called the I Love My Library.

This is not an ordinary campaign. It has come about because Singaporeans have this hobby of ripping book pages, napping in the afternoons and screaming loudly on their mobile phones. But this movement needs to be seen as part of a bigger picture. Come Election Day, we do not want Singaporeans oversleeping, tearing up their voting papers and shouting inside the election booths, do we?

I suspect that the timing of this campaign is part of the larger I lurve my Gahmen strategy :)

Update: If you thought I was kidding about voter antics on election day, check this out. The Elections Canada website informs its citizens that the ballot is not a McDonalds burger :) Found via Boing Boing

Singaporeans are a Resilient Blind Lot

2006-01-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

As most of you know by now, we are going to have a mock terrorist attack on our MRT trains and bus interchanges. I think this is a good exercise to ensure that all our operating systems are in place. It is also to make certain that Singaporeans are resilient to such incidents. We need Singaporeans to go about their normal lives unaffected by such events.

The latter part I think we dun have to worry…

For one, when there is a dead body a foot away from us, we just continue to eat. More recently, there was a violent man on a bus with a pair of shears (The Straits Times, 5 Jan). A passenger confronted this man and wrote this letter to the newspaper…

When I asked the driver to call the police, he did nothing and went back to his seat. When I made the same request to the passengers around me, no one responded.

I am also dismayed that the passengers ignored my plight.

Even if King Kong came to Singapore, we would be oblivious to its existence until such time the gorilla decides to have an ad campaign and our local newspapers run a front page story.

MP for Vote-For-Me GRC

2006-01-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

Off late, I think our local newspaper anyhowly publishes stories. Take this for instance (The Straits Times, 5 Jan 2006)....

About dunnowhat lucky draw ~~which I will never win~~. The article not just mentions where, when and what the lucky draw is about but also about what it was 'framed' in – well, it was a Chinese couplet. Not just that, also about who composed the couplet – a Member of Parliament (MP). Not just that, also which Group Representative Constituency (GRC) he/she belongs to.

Hmmm... maybe these news reports not so anyhowly anymore :)

Belated New Year Wishes

2006-01-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

I know this is late. But hey, I make no excuses for having a life! :)

My first wish for 2006 was that the general elections will be held this year. Then I was like, thats gonna come true anyway. My second wish was that the incumbent government wins again. Then I was like, thats gonna come true also. So the ONLY wish I have for 2006 is that the local media continues to entertain me every morning as they have been doing so for the past few years! Brownie points everytime I spill coffee on the newspaper :)

If the first 4 days of the year are anything to go by, I think my wish will be more than fulfilled :)

Train Services vs Human Life

2005-12-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

A cabby once told me that there is no value for human life in Singapore. I asked him to elaborate and he said that it was better to die in Singapore than to go to the hospital. While his reasoning was more financial than anything else, this article in our local paper reminded me of what the cabby said about human life. And these are the kind of reports that make me distressed.

The headline screamed, “Train services hit after man's death”. It began by saying that “The 32-year-old Indian man is believed to have jumped off the platform…” as if the race of the victim mattered but that’s another story. It continued that the person jumped

“right next to a sign that said: "Do not step beyond the Yellow Line until the train stops" and "Danger: Do not go down to the tracks”. Further down along the tracks, another sign read: "Value Life. Act Responsibly”.”

Interesting. So where exactly the victim jumped to take his life was very important. Did it even occur to the journalist to ask the question that given Singapore is such a rule-based society, how is it that a person dared to take his life right in front of those hoardings? Aren't we missing something?

The article continued giving statistics on the number of ‘train deaths’, spoke at length about how train services being disrupted, how people were delayed and how a bus ferried passengers to the next station. Did it even occur to our journalist to focus on the victim itself? As to why he would want to take his life, given that his family will not get to see a cent of insurance money? The report made no mention of suicide rates in Singapore and the societal factors that push people to take their own lives. Is the victim just a statistic? Are train services in Singapore really valued more than human life?

Anyways, I won’t be surprised if some fart writes to the paper and says that we should charge the victim posthumously for crossing the yellow line and make his family pay the fine. Or if some other ass writes in saying that people who want to kill themselves should do so such that it causes least hardship to rest of society. Hell yeah, lets distribute ropes to everyone at the next National Day parade and clear our conscience.

Here is the full article....

Train services hit after man's death
Thursday • December 29, 2005

A Singaporean died when he was hit by an approaching train at Kallang MRT station yesterday afternoon, bringing the westbound train services between Aljunied and Bugis to a standstill for almost an hour.

The 32-year-old Indian man is believed to have jumped off the platform just as a train pulled into the station at 3pm, right next to a sign that said: "Do not step beyond the Yellow Line until the train stops" and "Danger: Do not go down to the tracks".

Further down along the tracks, another sign read: "Value Life. Act Responsibly".

More than five Singapore Civil Defence Force rescuers and a paramedic worked to retrieve the body under the second carriage of the train, which had pulled to a stop halfway into the station.

The entire incident was recorded by the station's closed circuit TV system and the footage is to be handed over to the police who have classified the case as "unnatural death".

This is the second incident this year in which a person got hit by a train. Last year, there were five such incidents.

Madam Marianna, who was heading for Outram station with her daughter at the time of the incident, told Today: "The train came to a sudden stop near Kallang. We were stuck on the train for about 15 minutes, then the lights went off and we were told to get off the train at the front."

She was one of 4,000 west-bound passengers who were affected by the incident. Train services resumed at 3.49pm.

During the disruption, a one-way bus bridging service — which involved 11 buses — was deployed to ferry passengers from Aljunied to Bugis. Train service on the east-bound and north-south lines were not affected. — JASMINE YIN

On School Uniforms, GEP and Transparency

2005-12-29T23:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there are articles in our local media which make me smile.... like this letter which comprains about how our school uniforms are ‘neglected’. Everything was ok till I read the last line....

Let us take a cue from countries like Japan where students proudly wear their school uniforms.

Either the letter writer is trying to be cheeky (which I think is highly unlikely) or is totally ignorant that school uniforms in Japan serves more purpose than just outfits worn to school :)

Sometimes, there are articles that make me bang my head on the wall.... like this one about integration of the Gifted Education Programme (GEP) and non-GEP students. I am quoting the Education Minister, hopefully not out of context.

“There are some students not from the GE programme who are very strong in a particular area. It may be science, it may be maths, it may be literature and they can be mingled together with the GE students in those areas”

So basically, the idea is that a ‘mainstream’ student needs to be at least as good as a GE student in order to mingle with them. The onus is on the ‘normal’ student to improve his/her skills in at least one subject if he/she wants to be eligible to mix with the 'superior' GE students in secondary school. Interesting. Uniquely Singapore ‘talent meritocracy’ in the making perhaps :)

Sometimes, there are articles that make me throw up…. like this one which says that quality of leadership is more important than transparency.

It has been pointed out in this newspaper that the NKF episode underlined the importance of "openness at the highest level". But I would be concerned if Singaporeans were prepared to compromise on the quality of leaders for the sake of transparency. In particular, I am worried they may support opportunists who ride on this "openness" fad. A case in point is Taiwan, where the relentless pursuit of democracy and freedom of the media have thrown up leaders of less desirable moral character. Some may argue that the checks and balances arising from a transparent system would be sufficient to assure the quality of leaders. I am not sure real-world experience, both in the developed and developing countries, supports this. An obsession with transparency will lead to greater demands on the Government to explain its actions. People might expect the Government to investigate thoroughly every single allegation — even frivolous ones. A "fault finding" culture could develop. This will drain public resources and affect the effectiveness of the government. Another consequence of erosion of public confidence in leaders is that it will become more difficult for leaders to introduce tough and unpopular policies. The difficulties faced by the French and German governments in addressing the high unemployment rates in their countries is (sic) such an example.

When I read letters like the above, my first feeling (other than wanting to throw up) is to call the esteemed media companies here and tell them that their National Education efforts have borne fruit. Congratulations! You have succeeded is creating Singaporeans who point to bad things in other countries and say that a persistent quest for transparency here may miraculously come at the expense of leadership quality :)

Sometimes there are letters that make me poignant but that’s for another entry....

Singaporeans are not Irritated Enough

2005-12-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

Another major study has been completed. And Singapore has not done well. Does it matter what the study is about? No. Does it matter that we have not scored highly? Of course, yes! :)

First, it was about media freedom
Then, it was the Durex sex survey
Now, Reader’s Digest poll on whiners in the region!

Singaporeans, according to this study, are the most tolerant in the region. Something is very wrong. If there was ONE study we should have scored really really high, this must have been it. And yet, we came last. We need to urgently start a campaign so that we can regain our customary numero uno position.

According to the poll (via the esteemed The Straits Times, 28 Dec 2005), Singaporeans are most irritated by

Spitting in public
Queue jumpers
Bad drivers
Poor personal hygiene
Poor service in shops/restaurants
Computer crashes
Smoking in restaurants/public places
Dog mess in street/park
People who drop litter
People who swear/use bad language

I think as part of the campaign we should do all the above wearing a T-shirt that says:

Then next year we hope for the best :)

Update:
When I first read the newspaper article, I could not get this song out of my head.... "there was a time when they said Singapore would make it, but it didn't...." :)

Uniquely Singapore Checks and Balances

2005-12-27T23:00:00.000-08:00

The Bush gahmen authorized phone and email taps on American citizens after the 9/11 attacks, possibly against the law, and now he is in trouble for allegedly breaching civil liberties.

Interesting. This has finally come out FOUR YEARS after the decree was issued. This took place in the country which runs around the world carrying the liberal democracy potion. What happened to the infamous phrase of liberal democracy - ‘checks and balances’?

Maybe we should teach the U.S. a thing or two on how to install a ‘checks and balances’ system. I mean, look at the ~~old~~ NKF. From the report, it looks like the CEO wrote a lot of checks to himself and soon there came a time when the balances didn’t add up :)

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

The Prime Minister of this blog wishes all Christians a Merry Christmas :) Enjoy your hols! If you managed to do your Christmas shopping without getting irritated with the crowds in Orchard Road, I think it needs to be highlighted in your resume :)

NKF in the Spotlight, Again

2005-12-20T15:00:00.000-08:00

The independent auditor’s report on NKF is out. It was filled with bad stuff, stuff that Singaporeans don’t really want to hear before an election.

I didn’t really bother reading the report. I mean, why should I when our ‘unbiased’ media clearly tells me who the bad guy is. And it also tells me who the good guy is. Yes, there is a good ~~guy~~ lady in the NKF saga you know. A bit unaware perhaps, but according to our media, good. Oh, the good person issued a statement that said...

I only learnt how much Mr Durai was paid when his salary was made public during the court hearing of his defamation suit against SPH in July this year. I was not a member of the NKF Board or its Executive Committee. As Patron, I had no authority to endorse the salary paid to Mr Durai.

Interesting. First time hear about $600,000 salary and call it peanuts. I am at a loss for words… :)

One thing stood out in the newspapers about the KPMG report... that one man was the centre of power.

'Mr Durai drove the NKF and as a result of such trust and confidence placed in him, all effective power centred around him. This made meaningless the facade of a hierarchy of the checks and balances which were ostensibly in place in the NKF's organisational structure.'

The similarities are too alike to miss :) I just hope that we do not hear these very sentences about another man sometime in Singapore’s future :)

Update: There is a lot of anger against the NKF out there. One way to show to it is to protest on the streets and show those Hong-Kongers that we Singaporeans are King Kongers and we are better than them. But of course, you must be prepared to say hello to Queenstown Remand at the same time :) Another way, and in fact my preferred way, is to turn the anger into humour.... chanced upon this super Christmas Carol,

NKF (sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

NKF
NKF
Durai all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
On a first class plane

Flying in the air
On a first class plane
Over the clouds we go
Laughing all the way;

Money from public calls
making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing
A fucking song tonight

NKF
NKF
Durai all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
On a first class plane

Now the truth is out
Escape before you're caught
Take the peanuts along
And sing this fucking song;

NKF
NKF
Durai all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
On a first class plane

Creativity behind Acronyms - The Making of NTU

2005-12-18T19:00:00.000-08:00

Singapore is acronym country, we all know that. But if you thought naming acronyms is easy, think again. Here is an example of the creativity and hard work that goes behind the process of coming up with an acronym.

Enlightening Singaporeans on the thinking behind the naming of Nanyang Technological University (NTU), our Senior Minister had this to say....

We wanted to retain the name 'Nanyang' as the institute would rise from the campus of the old Nanyang University. We also wanted the word 'Technology' to reflect the mission of the institute. An obvious name was 'Nanyang Institute of Technology'. It had resonance like the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. But unlike MIT, a NIT graduate would be regarded as a fool. And when NIT became the 'Nanyang University of Technology', its graduates would be NUTs.

"Then someone suggested 'Technological Institute of Nanyang'. 'TIN' did not sound too bad but 'TUN' for 'Technological University of Nanyang' did not seem right. We did not establish the university to produce 'TUNs'. Besides, in Hokkien, 'TUN' meant dense which brought us back to square one - NIT. After playing with other permutations, we eventually settled for the name 'Nanyang Technological Institute'. It was rather a mouthful but at least nobody could make fun of the acronym 'NTI'.

Who said all those scholarships to Ivy League universities given to our civil servants have gone to waste? :)

Singapore is Third World Country

2005-12-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

Not I say one. You think what? I will dare to contradict the title of this book. You have got to be kidding me. But this is the boldest that I have seen in The Straits Times in a long time.

Singaporean writer, Gerrie Lim had this to say in an interview with our esteemed newspaper today…

“Singapore is basically a country that likes to think of itself as a First World country. But it's not. It's really a Third World country that pretends to be a First World country”

That should warrant response by the highest echelons…. :) Talking about the education system here during the 1970s, he said,

“The school system here sucked. If you asked a question that was not part of what the teacher put on the board, she would say: 'It's not in the syllabus, you don't need to know.' How stupid is that?”

Ministry of Education, is this true? If not, surely we can have a rejoinder :)

"I didn't really want to do a degree here. I just couldn't see myself fitting into NUS. Yuck!"

He criticized NUS you know, a world Top 20 institution.

A point-for-point rebuttal expected, Singapore style :)

More than 100,000 Sex Addicts in Singapore!

2005-12-16T07:00:00.000-08:00

Aiyah, our local newspaper really dun know how to give a title to a report. Writing about Hong Kong tycoon’s Li Ka Shing’s stance on not investing on casinos, the headline screamed....

Allergic to casinos, will tycoon cash his chips?

Allergic? Yeah right.... If LKS is allergic to casinos, then we are allergic to homosexuals. Then next time our media writes an article on homosexuals and AIDS (invariably any article in our papers on homosexuals will involve AIDS), why donch you title the report – “Singapore’s allergy to gays”....

In a similar manner, there was another article today titled “Need saving from cravings?”

Our journalists dun know the juicy bit is in the details meh? The article said....

Experts from the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) estimate that about three per cent of the population could potentially be sex addicts.

How could they miss this? Three percent of a population of 4,000,000? We are talking about more than 100,000 people being potential sex addicts in Singapore. We are truly on the way to becoming sex hub of the region. I wonder whether this number includes people who watch pr0n. I suspect that it doesn’t. Surely there are more than 3 percent of Singaporeans watch pr0n :)

I also think that the first thing many Singaporeans do when the go to more liberal countries is to visit the Playboy website just to see what they are missing out on. Well, if you haven’t done so yet, you are missing out on a lot ;)

No matter what, we are Sports Hub

2005-12-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

Usually, the section of the local media that amuses me the most is the Letters to the Editor. But occasionally, it’s the Clarifications section that triumphs. It’s happened before when Changi airport was made out to be the bestest airport in the world. On Dec 13, Today ran an article in its Sports section titled “New Sports Hub to be ready by 2011”…

… in which it said …

“The hub will have a 55,000 capacity covered stadium, an aquatic centre and a 20,000-seater arena for indoor sports”

I ignored this as yet another ‘hub glorifying’ article till the clarification came out today.

That’s right, the seating capacity of the arena is not 20,000 but 3,000. That’s 17,000 seats less. They inflated the accurate figure by not 1, not 2 but nearly 700%. Fine, people make mistakes and they did publish a clarification. But what really entertains me is that the conclusion of the original remains the same.... the new infrastructure is still Sports Hub.

Why do I get the feeling that even if there was a grand total of ONE seat in that arena, we would still be building a sports hub? :)

The West playing catch up with the East

2005-12-14T23:00:00.000-08:00

Visiting the west of Singapore is a surreal experience. The East of the country is considered to be more happening with better housing, restaurants, bars, pubs, chio bus :) The West on the other hand, is more heartland – not that it is a bad thing, just that it’s different. But I cannot help it leh, I get this weird feeling that the West is trying to catch up with the East.

I was passing by Clementi the other day and saw this poster near the MRT station.

Beach volleyball in the heart of Clementi? What were they thinking? Sun+Sand+Turf does NOT give you Beach Volleyball. There seems to be this rather infantile attempt to inject some ‘fun’ into the Western districts. But why? My kaakis there like it the way it is.

Hang on a sec.... beach volleyball? in Singapore? Am I missing something? How can there be beach volleyball in Singapore? Because we first need to have a beach – water body with natural waves. Like this one....

But all we have for the moment is this....

Just like the way I get this strange feeling that our gahmen is trying to remake the Western districts more like the East, I also have this bizarre sense that we are also trying to make Singapore into something it isn’t.

Instead of attempting to meticulously plan every single square meter of our future, why not let things evolve naturally? And no, we won’t disappear of the world map :)

Gahmen Strategy to Better Taxi Service

2005-12-13T12:30:00.000-08:00

Goodness me! If there is something that will get Singaporeans worked up, it’s ~~fighting for freedom, democracy and free press~~ paying more for better cabby service. If the letters to the editors over the past few days are anything to go by, Singaporeans are up in ~~arms~~ pens when it comes to tipping cabbies for good service.

The soon-to-be saga erupted when one of the local cab companies, SMRT, decided to launch a campaign (we are campaign hub, remember?) to encourage commuters to tip cabbies whom they think gave them good service. Some of the responses were:

Why should we pay extra for politeness?
Preferred route? The fastest and quickest one, obviously...
Don't just sit there, help me load luggage
Separate queue for taxis willing to go east
A generous tip can go a long way
A boycott will teach taxi drivers a lesson
What's next? No small purchases at supermarkets, too?
Thumbs up to short distance queue idea
From here, here and here

One letter writer called for a boycott against taxi drivers....

Maybe, we should boycott taxis for a few months so that taxi drivers will realise they should not abuse the privilege of serving the community.

Funny hor, when we don’t get good service from the gahmen, we never see Singaporeans write in calling for a boycott :) The letter writer also mistakenly thinks that this initiative is by the taxi drivers, when in fact it is by the taxi companies.

I see three players in this game to deliver good service. (1) Taxi Companies (2) Taxi Drivers (3) Commuters. The gahmen strategy, according to my warped brain, is this – to get the Commuters to give $$ to the Taxi Drivers in return for good service and without incurring any loss of revenue for the Taxi Companies. That way, the gahmen achieves a ~~self-win~~ win-win situation.

It can tell the Commuters.... see lah, I ensure you get good service.
It can tell the Taxi Drivers.... see lah, I ensure that you get more money
It can tell the Taxi Companies... see lah, I ensure that you get more revenue

~~Now all of you vote for me~~

So its highly unlikely that the gahmen will initiate a campaign with the taxi companies to lower their daily tariffs. It is also unlikely that the gahmen will pay the cabbies out of its own pocket for good service (fare from the Commuter, tip from the gahmen). What is likely though, is that the free ride given to the Commuter by the Taxi Companies for bad service will somehow come from the pocket of the Taxi Driver, via a fine perhaps? Neat and simple eh? :)

Remember hor, I only say likely ok. Never say this is what happened, is happening or will happen :) Just my warped brain working overtime :)

Drug Trafficking vs Terrorism: Which is the Bigger Crime?

2005-12-12T19:30:00.003-08:00

In yet another backlash to the death penalty in Singapore, TV New Zealand decided to run a story on how Singapore hangs drug traffickers but rehabilitates terrorists. (found via IZReloaded)

Singapore may hang drug traffickers like Australian Nguyen Tuong Van, but it has refrained in recent years from trying to execute terrorists. Instead Singapore, which probably executes more prisoners per capita than any other country, detains would-be bombers and their backers without trial. It has also attempted to rehabilitate terror suspects - an avenue not available to executed Melbourne man Nguyen, because Singapore law demands the mandatory death sentence for drug trafficking.

If the comments at IZReloaded for this entry are anything to go by, the terms that come out are "double standards", "hypocrisy" and "shocking". This one by Big Dave is the best....

Are we telling terrorists that its alright to do their dirty work here in Singapore? Come try to bomb us, if you get caught before you do it, youll most likely be detained, rehabilitated and if you show that you are a good boy, you will be released. Is this the message that we want to be giving out to would be terrorists?

While at a glance this may seem like hypocrisy, there are two underlying assumptions when it comes to comparing drug trafficking and terrorism. First, a harsher crime will require a harsher punishment with death penalty being the harshest of them all. Second, terrorism is a harsher crime than drug trafficking. While the first supposition may be true, the second hypothesis I’m afraid isn’t so clear cut.

On what basis does terrorism become a more cruel crime than drug trafficking?

(1) Number of deaths? More people have died due to drugs than terrorism
(2) More dangerous? The drug cartels are a lot more organized than terror cells
(3) Innocent victims? Going by the emphasis that governments place on the production of drugs rather than consumption, drug takers are probably as innocent as terrorism victims

Comparing offences like drug trafficking with terrorism is like comparing oranges with apples. I am not for the death penalty but if you want to argue against it, this is a bad way to put forward your case. Criticizing Singapore government's response to terrorism to discredit its action against drug traffickers is er, misplaced. I think rehabilitation of terrorists is the right way to go forward.

Tactless The Sunday Times

2005-12-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

I am thinking on whether I should seek legal advice against The Sunday Times :)

This is what happened. Today was a nice Sunday morning and I decided to go someplace to have breakfast. This place, for some weird reason, served a free copy of The Sunday Times. Just as I was about to drink my coffee, I saw the headlines on Australia’s Drug Menace and Maid’s Dream Boss....

… and I split the coffee. And embarrassed myself :)

The drug menace article is hilarious! The article on Australia’s drug problem is an ~~amateurish~~ attempt at investigative journalism – funny, we choose to use these skills only for bad things that happen in other countries. Coming soon after we hanged an Australian drug trafficker, the timing is side-splitting.

The timing of the report on an employer being a very good boss to his maid is even better. Hot on the heels of the saga between Human Rights Watch and our gahmen, we ~~desperately~~ had to prove to the world that maid abuse in Singapore is not systemic.

Dear The Sunday Times, subtlety is obviously not your forte :)

I am no NKF head-honcho and definitely have no intention of even getting anywhere close to SPH’s lawyers, so I think that lawsuit is just fantasy :)

This is Believed to be the 1st Time

2005-12-10T02:30:00.000-08:00

In Singapore hor, we lurve ‘firsts’. When our journalists write an article, one question is always asked – is this the first in the wurl? Failing which, is this the first in the reejun? Failing which, is this the first in Singapore? Failing which, is this the first in Southeast CDC? Failing which, is this the first in Pulau Ubin?

Normally meant for things like an invention or event, this “I am first” mentality has become ingrained in our local media. They now use it for all kinds of inane stuff. Writing a piece about loan sharks extorting money, our ‘talented’ journalist wrote about the victim losing her baby due to a miscarriage allegedly caused by a shove by the loan shark.

Nothing wrong with this and the loss of the unborn child needs to be highlighted to push the police to go behind the loan sharks, but this sentence got me cracking....

“This is believed to be the first time an unborn baby has died because of a loan-shark attack”

What kind of sentence is this? Is there no limit to what can be considered a ‘first’? Well, I thought our media will appreciate some help…

“This is believed to be the first time a loan-shark attack has used Nippon paint on the 11th floor of HDB flats”

“This is believed to be the first time the amount loaned to a loan-shark attack turned out to be the numbers on the next 4-D draw”

“This is believed to be the first time a loan shark wore a pink dress while extorting money”

There, new milestones for us to remember. Remember to include it in the next history project.

Devan Nair Passes Away

2005-12-09T02:00:00.000-08:00

Our former President, Devan Nair passed away on Dec 7. Our current President, Prime Minister as well as Senior Minister were among many Singaporens who expressed condolences over his death. What was interesting to me was not who did but who did not :)

Some things are never forgotten huh?

Singapore Spoils You

2005-12-08T23:30:00.000-08:00

They say that the moment you board our national carrier you get the feeling that you are in Singapore. That is very true! But why? What makes it Singapore's mobile embassy? So on my way back, I decided to find out exactly when I felt this way. And I swear, the moment I laid eyes on The Straits Times, my nerves calmed, an amused smile came over my face and I knew I was home :)

Having been away from the 'hub' of the world, its just amazing on the extent to which Singapore spoils you. Living in Singapore is like living in a cocoon. You are shielded from so many things. Take our transportation system for instance.... train and bus at your doorstep. The cost of our cabs is really cheap when compared with some angmoh countries. Another example is food.... so many cuisines available throughout the island. Nowhere else have I found this. I asked some of my 'foreign' kaakis and they concur that Singapore is one of the easiest places to settle in. There, add one more to the 'hub' list - settling-in hub :)

Oh, of course, we are also shielded from the 'evils' of a free press. But when I read their newspaper and see their TV, its hardly like that. Their media have flaws but that does not exactly make ours the bestest in the wurl.

Anyways, its good to be back. Now need to catch up on the news.... :)

NS Dodging - the St Poll

2005-12-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

I miss the tangible paper of our local media. Reading the online version is not even half as fun. Sitting in front of the computer to read news is ok for a while but to do it all the time is er, boring. Maybe I am old school. But reading the local papers keeps me amused during morning coffee, in public transport and sometimes during lunch time. Also, I never run out of toilet paper in the process :)

Anyways, there are certain things that one only gets to read online. After all the furore over Melvyn Tan, the infamous pianist being fined only $5000 for missing NS, I noticed this online snap poll on The Straits Times website.

A whopping 95% of the 4000+ respondents thought that the punishment was too light.

The second part of the poll also revealed that 92% wanted a jail sentence to be made compulsory. Knock, knock, gahmen, you there?

In a Country far far away....

2005-12-02T10:34:00.000-08:00

.... in this country where I am now, they have never heard of Singapore, until now.

Someone: Where are you from?
Me: Singapore
Someone: Isn't that the country where you still have the death penalty?
Me: Er... is that the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear about Singapore?
Someone: Its all over the news. You people are hanging a guy transiting through your country with drugs.
Me: What else have you heard about Singapore?
Someone: You guys ban chewing gum and cane people for vandalizing
Me: Great... what else?
Someone: What else?
Me: Yeah, what else do you know about Singapore?
Someone: Er...
Me: Dude, thats pathetic. You should read up more.
Someone: Why should I? You guys have the death penalty....
Me (*bangs head on wall*): You guys are hopeless

Singapore badly needs a PR campaign. They almost think we are on par with North Korea. For my part, I have invited this someone to come to Singapore for a week so that I can introduce him to Singapore National Education so that he will appreciate our ~~gahmen~~ country :)

Race and Education – PSLE Exam Results

2005-11-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

The PSLE results are out after the PSLE math exam goof-up. Anyways, the top student this time round was Adil Hakim. And congratulations to him!! But as with every year, we also published the names of the top Indian student and the top Eurasian student. This is from The Straits Times, 25 Nov,

Both Ryan Anderson and Dhivian Thirunaukrarasu have done well and deserve all the accolades they got. But my point this…

Does it really matter whether one is the top student among their race? Do all Indians have comparable academic strengths? Or for that matter, do all the Malays, Chinese or Eurasians? Obviously not! So what point does it serve to compare people of a same race?

When these kids were studying for their PSLE exams, did they aim to be the top students in their race category? No! If they did, then something is seriously wrong with our education system. Their objective was to be the top student among everybody.

When these kids grow up and join the work force, will it really matter whether they were the top Indian or Eurasian students? No! Then why make it a big issue now? What does race have to do with exam results? Nothing!

It’s high time we remove race from stuff that has nothing to do with race. It’s archaic.

Maid Abuse in Singapore: What happened to Civility?

2005-11-25T21:00:00.000-08:00

Our economy is growing. Jobs are being created. The traffic on CTE is easing ~~or so we hear from the LTA~~. Amidst all this euphoria, we are reaching new levels in yet another sphere – maid abuse.

One case involved one Singaporean pimping her maid. So not only do we want help around the house, we also make some extra money out of these people who come here to make a living?

Detractors will say that the maid was a willing partner in the whole affair. But do we even think about the plight of these maids who come to Singapore drowning in debt and resort to things like prostitution? Do we even care? Or do we feel it is some other country’s problem? Is it a case of – “as long as we put these people in jail and fine them some money, we can go back to living in paradise”?

The second case involved an atrocious 10 months of maid abuse. The Singaporean abused her maid on not one, not two but a record 79 occasions. This is one of the worst cases of maid abuse in Singapore.

Really, what is with Singaporeans? Do we think these maids will become better helpers by beating them? Or do we get some sadistic pleasure? At the end of the day, why is it that we don’t see that these maids are human beings like the rest of us?

With two such extreme cases appearing in the same week, our media immediately comes to the rescue of Singapore’s image. Lest we be branded “maid abuse hub” by someone else, our local newspaper runs an article titled “Maid abuse cases declining” citing the number of maid abuse cases since 1997.

Thank you very much hor. Makes me feel much better that we are abusing less maids year on year. How this kind of statistics magically appears at the end of a week filled with extreme cases of maid abuses totally baffles me. While the report acknowledged that many cases are unreported, the issue of brutality level is totally left out of the analysis.

Some people with whom I have discussed this with say that some of the maids are really bodoh. They dun understand basic instructions and end up messing up things instead of helping. Some intentionally slack in their work and some others steal money. Surely, all these are problems that need to be addressed but nothing, and i mean NOTHING, gives us the right to abuse our domestic helper.

What happened to civility?

3rd Racist Blogger Sentenced....

2005-11-24T18:00:00.000-08:00

.... to immerse himself with the Malay community. Whew! We are actually able to think of sentences that do not involve jail terms, caning and fines :)

How to Debate the Death Penalty Issue in Singapore

2005-11-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

The death penalty debate engulfed us the last week. The Australian media seemed to have started it all when one Australian was found with drugs transiting through Changi Airport. Unlike Singapore, Australia dun have the death penalty. Some zealous Aussie figures went to the extent of calling for a boycott of Singaporean goods!

The media in Singapore, as usual, tried to keep out of this debate as much as possible. I mean, Singaporeans have better things to do than to question our death penalty laws right? :) But once it became obvious that ~~somehow our economy could be affected~~ the issue somehow had to be dealt with, this is what we did....

Look for a country which is looking to maintain their death penalty and run it as a front page article... tada!

Then refer to it in every other article you write about the death penalty – “while countries like Britain are grappling to reinstate their death penalty, the Australians are asking us to get rid of ours”. You know, make the Aussies look er, not very good.

The problem becomes more complicated when an appeal of another death penalty case comes up. Anyways, the much publicized murder trial of Took Leng How came up for appeal last week and well, the decision was deferred. Obviously, this has nothing to do with the previous case.... just a coincidence ok? :)

The problem becomes really thorny when one of our ~~opposition~~ non-ruling party politicians goes and comprains to the Australian media about Singapore. Now that is BIG no-no. You will immediately be branded as ‘undermining’ Singapore.

All compraints about Singapore have to be done through the local media. I mean, this is our favorite pastime. We dun want people teaching the Australian media how to comprain about their country. Then how to retain our number 1 position as ‘comprain hub’ of the region?

For now, I think SIA can say goodbye to its hopes of flying the transatlantic route.

Singapore Media - the Funniest in the Wurl

2005-11-22T16:30:00.000-08:00

Not being able to read the local newspapers and listen to the local news for a week has made me an unhappy person. Really!! Except for their comic sections, other country newspapers are so serious. They discuss all those sober things that liberal democracies talk about. The letters to their forum is about topics like the tax structure, world trade issues and foreign policy of their country.

No fun right?

It’s only after my staple diet of Today and The Straits Times that I laugh until I cannot get up from the fllor liao. Singapore media is definitely the funniest in the wurl. Right from the editorials to the forum letters, we can claim to have the most hilarious broadsheets. People talking about traffic on the CTE, how people cut the queues and the misplaced debate on the death penalty issue. Welcome to Singapore!!

I think hor, to counter the bad ranking we had for press freedom, we need to have a funniest newspaper ranking. And of course, we will soon find ourselves where we belong – on top of the list, at the very top. The Singapore media companies need to get together and write a book titled “How to make your reader die with laughter” and sell it for $49.99 at all leading bookstores. Do I see a ‘hub’ strategy right there? :)

Now its time to catch on lost news...

Weekend Sex, Annabel Chong and Roger Federer

2005-11-21T17:00:00.000-08:00

Can someone please explain to me what is it with our media and sex on the weekend? I know The New Paper has an article on sex every other day. But since The Sunday Times and Weekend Today are ~~more reputable, credible~~ weekly papers, they can only do it on the weekend.

First on Nov 13, The Sunday Times runs an article about Singaporean’s favourite p0rnstar, Annabel Chong. Almost as if in retaliation, Weekend Today runs a piece called “Sex and the Singaporean” on Nov 19. Way to go! This is what media competition is all about. With media support like this, Singapore sure become sex hub one.

On cue, Singaporeans wrote to the newspaper compraining yet again about how the media should not glorify Annabel Chong. But, but, like that how can? Here we are talking about a Singaporean who made it to the world stage. I mean, we don’t have an abundance of Singaporeans who have made it this far right? And hey, she didn’t require the gahmen or any Goal 2010 campaign to get there.

The usual complaints go along the lines that she is not a good role model for youth. Oops, sorry I forgot.... all our role models MUST be people who made a million dollars even before they can read the alphabet. One letter writer who tried to write in support of the Annabel Chong article couldn’t go very far. He comes up with this ‘brilliant’ proposal....

I propose that harmless ‘deviants’ like Ms Chong be welcomed back with open arms should they return and be celebrated for their guts. We should not deny her a second chance just because of one indiscretion.

Hang on a sec, did Ms Chong ask for a second chance? Does she even care? And what she did was an indiscretion? Oh puhleez, since when did we claim moral higher ground? I think Singaporeans need to stop looking for role models based on how much money they earn or what country passport they hold. It’s about time we pay tribute to passion, strength, grit and that fighting spirit. All hail Roger Federer!

If anyone of you saw the Federer-Nalabandian clash at the Shangai Masters yesterday, you can see what it means to fight to the finish. First, Nalabandian loses the first two sets and then claws his way back to win the next two. In the final set, Nalabandian races to a 4-0 lead and then Federer begins to fight back. Clearly tired, Federer equals at 4-4 and then the game moves into the set break. Nalabandian finds a last burst of energy and wins the finals! Yes, Federer lost.... but you see, that’s not the point. It’s the ability to fight to the very end. When you are tired, down and nothing is going right for you, you don’t concede defeat and give it your best shot. Whether you win or not is secondary.

And the best part is that the prize money has nothing to do with this :)

Too Much of a Good Thing

2005-11-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

Letter writers to the newspaper are getting really bold these days. Days after the “I would like to challenge the gahmen” letter, comes this person who says….

Too much of something, no matter how good, can end up being a turn off.

You could be forgiven if you thought for a moment the above statement was somehow related to our gahmen. But only for a moment ok? Anything longer than that and you will be held in contempt :)

Hey, I told you to stop thinking of that sentence as directed at our gahmen right? Erase it from your memory….. now!!! :)

Because hor, the letter writer was actually referring to Singapore Idol. This is the show that we copied from America – the format, the music, the stage, the colors, everything expect the singers. Well, the letter writer now adds one more to the exception list....

Singapore should not follow in the footsteps of America in the sense that there should be a string of auditions every year.

Hell yeah, why should we? We are uniquely Singaporean right? When we copy America, we are right. When we don’t, we are also right. *Clap*Clap*

Also hor, The American Idol could create a new star in the form of its host, Ryan Seacrest. And who did we choose? The ~~possibly botoxed~~ Phua Chu Kang without yellow boots – Gurmit Singh. We could never leave the success of the first voting ~~exercise~~ show for many Singaporeans to chance, could we? :)

Apology to Australia

2005-11-18T19:00:00.000-08:00

Our media surely knows how to downplay a story. We do it with such art - needless to say, we should become the new 'downplay' hub of the world. As you probably oredi know, we have had to apologise to Australia for the goof-up over the release of the hanging date for the OZ drug trafficker.

The Today newspaper although highlighted the apology but on page 3. And whats on page 1?.... [drumroll].... "Blair admits: The wife's been making money off my job". Since when were Singaporeans interested in the wife of Tony Blair siphoning $$?? :)

The Straits Times did it even more succintly. In an article titled, "PM: 2 reasons for S'pore's firm stand on drugs", the apology was somewhere mixed into the report. Moreover, this report appeared on page 4 - they dunno it's unlucky meh? :)

I think our newspapers forgot to add the important positive spin, a skill that they have mastered. This incident has boosted the Singapore economy. A new job opening has been created in the civil service. Yay, everyone hail the Spore Express :)

I would like to challenge the gahmen

2005-11-14T16:00:00.000-08:00

Not me lah! You think what? I crazy issit? These were the choice of words by a letter writer to The Sunday Times yesterday. After agreeing with another letter writer that Singaporeans are crass, brash and uncouth, he ends with this....

“I would like to challenge the Government to make our country a gracious society by the middle of the next decade.”

First time I see hor, letter writer giving deadline to gahmen. In Singapore, never have like this before. But hor, this kind of thing is stupid one. Every single simple problem also run to gahmen.
My son so young have to wear glasses. I would like to challenge the gahmen to make sure that myopia is eradicated from our society by the next decade

I stepped on dog poo in my HDB void deck. I would like to challenge the gahmen to make sure that void decks are free of dog poo by end of the month

I got itchy backside. I would like to challenge the gahmen to make sure nobody in Singapore has got itchy backside my next year

Goodness, when will Singaporeans ever learn to be self-reliant? And try to think of solutions that does not involve the gahmen? About building a gracious society, it’s time Singaporeans move beyond accepting the fact that there ill-mannered people in the country. Surely we can do better than simply writing a letter to newspaper, no? :)

Responding to Petty Criticism

2005-11-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

The good thing about the internet is that you get to read criticisms from people who do not agree with your opinions. The bad thing about the internet is that such critique is sometimes so ~~funny that they are petty~~ petty that they are funny :) I do not usually reply to such pieces unless they write something in one of the comments. But this one was too good not to respond :) The writer takes issue with my post on removing race from racism. [Ed: Looks like the entry and possibly the whole blog has been taken down. If only I had got a screenshot :( ]

According to her, my ‘comparison’ of race with people wearing red shirts is problematic. I mean, gee .... of course it is, because it was not meant to a be comparison at all in the first place. It was just to offer an alternative way of giving an identity to a human being. If you want to identify a person by more serious identities like religion or nationality, sure go ahead. If you want to distinguish a person by something as shallow as his/her yellow color shoes/hair, you have my blessings :)

This leads me to the point where the writer claims I ‘trivialize a concept such as race that is so central to one's identity”. Pray tell me, just because you say race is central to one’s identity, it doesn’t become so, now does it? :) I do not become Chinese, Malay, Indian or Eurasian just because someone else identifies me so. I could have just one national identity, Singaporean and nothing else (example only ah, not comparison ok).

In short, my identity is mine to define. But if someone does distinguish themselves through race (and nothing wrong with that), then sure – go ahead and categorize them in whatever race grouping you want.

Seriously, given your definition of race, what is the race of a person who comes from mixed racial backgrounds? How will you find a category for him/her? From the color of his/her skin? From the way he/she dresses? How shallow and inaccurate is that? :)

The writer also alludes to the point that I may be living in an ideal world. Boy, isn’t that ironic? I am dying of curiosity here – why is your version of the world called reality whereas people like us live in a utopian universe? Ask yourself – is there really a causal connection between the race of a person and the actions that they do?

I think the difference of opinion between the writer and me lies in the fact that for her, race is something that is written in stone. For me, it is not. It is nothing but a category that society has created to distinguish people and if you society wants to change it, it can be done. But this writer probably thinks it’s too unrealistic to even think along those lines. I mean, talk about living in a shell....

Lastly, the writer is supposedly researching on “racial considerations in Singapore's educational policies”. There you go – you already assume the existential nature of race in the topic. Anyways, hope your journal note or seminar paper comes with better analysis than your blog entry :)

NeWater and Objectivity in Singapore History Project

2005-11-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

Some clever dude out there found a gaffe in our esteemed local paper. It was posted on dunno what forum but I saw this first on tomorrow.sg. Its related to a new Singapore history project by the Discovery Networks and here is pic in question....

Sir Raffles giving the local Sultan Newater for his drinking pleasure!!! With slip-up’s like this, sometimes I think the gahmen is right not to give too much freedom to our press :) Now let’s wait and see if a correction is in the papers tomm....

Since we are on the Singapore history project, the other esteemed newspaper also ran an article on it. First, why is it that the history of Singapore always starts from Sir Raffles? You mean nobody lived here before that worth mentioning issit?

Another thing I noticed in the article is the stress on the objectivity of documentary. More than half the article was spent on convincing readers that the documentary is impartial. I wonder why they went through such trouble – it’s a gahmen initiated and approved project, it must be unbiased right? Have you ever, and I mean ever, come across a gahmen accepted project to be prejudiced, skewed and one-sided? If your answer to that question is a ‘yes’, then I suggest you go and hide in the toilet and drink all the Newater you can :)

Laws Guidelines over Bus Ads

2005-11-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

A while ago, I wrote about the various types of gahmen replies that come to the forum. One such response was the reply by LTA over ads on buses.

This is definitely not the first time but many people have been writing in about how the bus ads cover view of the outside and it’s proving to be really difficult to figure when to get off. One such typical letter....

And the reply by LTA is hilarious! Titled “Public bus ads must follow guidelines”, the letter outlines the policy governing bus ads.

Perforated stickers that allow at least 40 per cent to be seen through can be used on the side and rear windows of the bus. When used on the bus' side windows, the perforated stickers should not cover more than 25 per cent of the glass panel. The advertisements on the side windows must not block the view of commuters, who must be able to see what is outside the bus day and night. For the rear window, advertisements are allowed to fully cover the glass panel, provided that all the number plates, signs and mandatory information display (eg. speed-limit sign) are not concealed.

*Yawn* If you read the above technical details in full, I don’t blame you for feeling sleepy :) The point is this… has it every occurred to our scholarship holding officers at LTA that the problem could lie with the guidelines rather than public bus companies not following them? Oh well, I guess such dumb thoughts are beyond them :)

Oh ya, how come such things are only guidelines hor? Cannot make into legislation one issit? Can fine the bus companies if they flout the law right? Oh sorry, I forgot that by fining the transport companies their share prices will be affected and indirectly impact Singaporeans. So Singaporeans have a choice.... (1) suffer a decrease in your investment in the transport companies or (2) suffer from getting off at the wrong bus stop :)

How the Media Misleads

2005-11-09T23:00:00.000-08:00

The media is a very powderful vehicle and how it frames each headline and sentence will reflect its bias. Our local is no different. Yesterday, there was a report on some key personnel having left a financial dispute resolution centre barely two months after it was instituted. Nothing wrong with the topic but look at the way the opening paragraph goes....

BARELY two months after it was launched with great fanfare and lauded as a "one-stop" shop for dispute resolutions in the finance industry, the Financial Industry Disputes Resolution Centre (FIDReC) has suffered a setback.

What they don’t tell you is that the media itself had a hand in the “great fanfare” two months ago. This was supposed to make us financial hub of the universe. But now the media behaves like its just reporting news....

If that doesn’t convince you, check out this amazing forum letter in today’s paper. The heading screamed…. Press freedom? I would choose Singapore anytime

To the casual reader, it would seem that press freedom and Singapore are on opposite banks of the river. And to support press freedom would mean not to support Singapore and hence would make such a person unpatriotic.

On a side note, our media lurves to praise itself ~~coz nobody else seems to do the same~~. I hope they realize that just because people read the local paper doesn’t mean they like or support whatever is spewed out. Sometimes I wish our media will grow up but until then I know where I can get my daily laughs :)

The new DARE Campaign

2005-11-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

I dare you to slap the referee of the match for a controversial decision

I dare you to lose 4-0 to our arch rivals Malaysia

Although the Singapore soccer team and some S-League teams have been accomplishing these dares, I think these are not the kind of things our gahmen had in mind when they launched the new campaign to support the Singapore team at the upcoming SEA Games. The new crusade initiated by the Football Association of Singapore is ‘creatively’ called …. [drumroll] …. DARE!!

In other countries, people throng to their local stadiums or stay glued to the TV when their national soccer team is in action. In Singapore, you need a campaign to get the attention of Singaporeans. Singaporeans are generally free when they are not engrossed in their favourite pastime of compraining. Oh my God, what if they use this free time to read blog sites? Worse still, what if they use this free time to read opposition party manifesto? Better nip the problem in the bud – let’s have the DARE campaign.

According to the article, aiming for gold will not be easy for the Singapore team as they need the support of the entire nation. So DARE actually refers to Desperately Asking Reinforcement Exercise. Even before the competition has begun, our local media have made it clear that we have roped into the so-called ‘Group of Death’ along with Thailand, Vietnam and Myanmar. Does that mean we give them death or the other way round? :)

Some 5,000 T-shirts are being printed as part of the DARE campaign. Here is the best part.... if Singapore reaches the finals, you get your money back. That’s about $25. We should not be scared right? We are the best right? Right? Right? Why don’t you answer? I mean, if we are the best, then why charge for the T-shirts at all? Why not give out the T-shirts free and in case God decides to intervene and snatch gold away from us, ask Singaporeans to pay for the T-shirt? Those bad citizens who do refuse to pay up for the T-shirt will be taught what it means to run after the ball, except that the ball in this case will be their CPF money :)

What in the world is RSS?

2005-11-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

In response to a comment by one reader, I have made the herculean effort of finding out what in the world this RSS thingy is :) To a bodoh like me, it's like studying ~~secondary-school physics~~ rocket science. Anyways, after two jugs of Jessica Alba's Tiger beer, clarity began to appear in the horizon.

During my ~~druken stupor~~ research, I finally figured out what RSS stood for. For all of you geeks out there who think it stands for Rich Site Summary, RDF Site Summary or Really Simple Syndication, you are all wrong. RSS originated from the eternal need for guys to recall the address of his preferred pr0n site and know when it is updated. Hence, RSS stands for Remember Sex Site.

But Singapore dun have such websites. So in our uniquely Singaporean context, RSS stands for "Read and Save Singapore" !! :)

Anyways, I've included a feedburner link on my site. Click on and you can subscribe to a feed of my site. Don't ask me what a "feed" is.... by the time I figure that out, I will be the longest inmate at the Institute of Mental Health.

Accused access to Lawyers - A Win-Win situation

2005-11-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

Singapore does not follow the Western model is many ways. One of course is the role of the media. Second is the role of the union. And the third which has been making the rounds recently is the immediate access to an accused by his/her lawyer.

Our gahmen has used the tried and tested rationale of "dont tweak what is not broken". For them, lawyers can subvert the police investigations. Why ah? Our lawyers not honest one issit? Or is it the case where our police not efficient one issit? Giving the accused access to his/her lawyer immediately might increase the workload on the police but hey, it will only make them more efficient, no?

Anyways, our ST Interactive decided to run a poll on this and guess what.... out of a total of 536 votes polled, an overwhelming 91 percent said yes to access to a lawyer and a measly 9 percent said no. Hello, gahmen, you there? I think hor, the only way for gahmen to get around this 'problem' is to get the lawyer to sign a document that says that,

.... according to the police, if you are found impeding the investigation, you can be fined a gazillion dollars, thrown in jail for a gazillion years, caned a gazillion times and publicly shamed in a gazillion newspapers. You will also not be allowed to enter the casino and get a subsidised HDB flat. You will not be entitled to any baby bonus and senior citizen concessions on public transport. Oh, and you wont have immediate access to a lawyer....

This situation is what we call in Singapore, win-win.

Gahmen to Media: Don’t Parrot our Position

2005-11-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

While I was away, an interesting development occurred. In reaction to the super-duper low ranking on press freedom, the gahmen told our media not to parrot their position. The irony is making me roll down Bukit Timah hill with laughter.

Funny hor, other people have been telling the media not to mimic the gahmen stance but the media dun care. Now the gahmen tell the media and they run a page 3 article on it. Even funny hor, is that if the media now stops aping the gahmen’s posture, then aren’t they exactly following what the gahmen is telling them to do? Hahahaha… sorry hor, cannot stop laughing :)

Our local media seem to have taken up the challenge of ~~opposing~~ discussing the gahmen’s assessment of the media and ran a piece today titled “To be responsible, the media must now be credible”. I also say but then hor, our media has loooooooooooong way to go before it can be responsible :)

Some of the examples given of responsible media are hilarious. First, BBC after London bombings – while they seem to have restored calm in London, one conveniently forgets all the anti-Pakistani attacks in Britain soon after. These incidents were in part caused by the BBC itself because they decided to isolate the perpetrators as being of Pakistani origin. Second, our local media after the JI arrests and SARS. While our media did a good job in maintaining the usual tranquil, it was not because of these incidents that we got such a super-duper low ranking in press freedom index now, did we? :)

Lastly, the gahmen say that we must not mimic the West. This is totally agree wif. But I cannot help wondering hor, how or who decides what has ‘worked’ for Singapore. And if something has ‘worked’ for Singapore, is it only measured in terms of how it has contributed to the GDP? Also, I'm sure our gahmen can still be clean and efficient with a freer press.

The Uniquely Singaporean gift to spot Foreign Workers

2005-11-04T21:00:00.000-08:00

Singaporeans have a unique ability. They are able to accurately identify a foreign worker when they see one. They seem to have this psychic connection with the foreign worker. The latter does not need not fish out their passports or work permits to prove their employment status. The short-sighted Singaporean (pun intended) seems to be able to make out just from the looks.
Such a distinctive skill can be seen in one of the letters to the forum this week.

Although the letter was about red tape in our gahmen, it began like this….

About four months ago I went to Yew Tee Industrial Park. Two foreign workers approached me with a large pink plastic bag and asked me if I wanted to buy cigarettes....

The letter is so sure that the two people who approached him were foreign workers. Is it because the incident happened in an industrial park? Or is it because of the way the people were dressed? Or is it because of their er, skin color? Why couldn’t they have been Singaporeans?

It’s high time we stop spoiling the image of foreign workers here.

Seamlessfull Travel

2005-11-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

Like all good Singaporeans, I decided to contribute to our neighbour's economy ~~and driving myself towards bankruptcy~~ by holidaying there this week. Given my financial situation, my favourite mode of transport to travel up north is the bus.

Holiday aside, our trip both ways was via the much acclaimed second link. It's a huge place but sorry to say hor, there were hardly any people there. Now I can understand why the gahmen didn't open Buangkok station.... skali become like Second Link. If you are looking for the first local white elephant, this is it. I suspect that our first international white elephant was the industrial park we built in Suzhou.

Anyways, on the trip back, I wanted to take a cab from the Second Link but cannot leh. Unlike the JB checkpoint, we have to continue our trip on the tourist bus all the way to Beach Road and then find our way home. I just can't understand such idiosyncracies. We are supposed to have seamless travel everywhere but how come Second Link so special? They think what, everyone lives within walking distance of Golden Mile issit?

I never read our 'balanced' newspaper for a few days leh. I miss it oredi. Must try not to spill my coffee when I read the forum letters. Heheh.... :)

Triathlon Preparations – What Not to do

2005-10-30T14:00:00.000-08:00

Triathlons are not my thing. If you have heard of anyone taking 10 hrs to climb Bukit Timah Hill (with a gazillion stops in between), chances are that I am the athlete in question. But some of my kaakis are avid triathlon participants and I have deep respect for them.

Recently, the case of a seasoned triathlon competitor drowning during the swimming leg has made the triathlon community buzzing with questions. Our local newspapers strive to keep abreast of happenings in our city and The Sunday Times splashed an ad on its front page today screaming “Endurance Races: What not to do”

And in true gahmen-style, went on to write an article on what to do :)

And the suggestions given....

Step 1: Get a thorough health check
Step 2: Train progressively
Step 3: Prepare a race plan
Step 4: Practise race transitions
Step 5: Check your equipment
Step 6: Rest for a few days
Step 7: D-day preparations

.... are hilarious!! Pls lah, any bird-brained triathlon athlete will surely know about these so-called steps. And it doesn’t answer the key question that prompted this article. The triathlon participant who died was a seasoned athlete. One can reasonably assume that he did all the above steps. It would be interesting to listen to what my triathlon kaakis would have to say about such an ‘informed’ article.

Removing Race from Racism

2005-10-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

The third person has been charged for making racist comments on his blog. The accused, a 17-year old guy, put up a defence that it was the death of his baby brother was what caused his racist outbursts. I do not want to delve into whether the guy should have been charged or the details of the case. But what struck me the most from the newspaper article was this comment....

It was 1995 and Gan was seven years old. He was at home in Marsiling with his baby brother who started having breathing problems. Their panic-stricken mother Madam Koh Ah Luan decided to rush the child to the hospital and asked Gan to hail a taxi. They saw a Malay couple board a taxi nearby and though they pleaded to be allowed to take the taxi first, the couple ignored them. By the time they arrived at the hospital, the child was pronounced dead.

First, the accused may have generalized the incident that it was because of the Malay couple that his brother died. Even if he was angry at the people who did not give up the cab, to make callous comments against the race of those people is to put it simply, wrong. But the human mind always tends to oversimplify the situation. It tends to attribute human behavior to one main trait of the person in question.

This leads me to the second and more important point. Why is it that when the accused saw this couple not giving way to his mother, the first identity that he gave the couple was based on their race? He could have given the couple any other identity. For instance, if the couple were wearing a red shirt, then he could have directed his anger against all people who wear red shirts. But because of the way Singapore society is managed, the first identity we tend to give people is based on their race. Of course, identifying people by their race is not written in stone. Change that, and we could do away with a lot of people whom we call racists today.

Is this so hard to do? No! The next time you use race as an adjective, i.e. use terms like [insert race] man/woman, think twice about whether the substance of what you are trying to say has a causal link with race at all. So the next time a car cuts into your lane, think twice before blurting .... ‘bloody hell, that [insert race] driver never signal and cut into my lane’.

Removing race is a first step towards eradicating racism.

Global Voices Online

2005-10-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jose Manuel Tesoro, two of my posts are featured on Global Voices Online. The ones featured are the ones on 'press freedom index' and the 'compraining Singaporeans'. They can be found here and here.

Favorite Pastime of Singaporeans – Compraining

2005-10-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

The favorite pastime of Singaporeans used to be shopping. Not anymore. With the economy just picking up and jobs still hard to come by, Singaporeans have stayed away from shopping malls. In between all those retraining programs, they have decided to maximize their existing skills. Their current leisurely pursuit is commonly known as .... compraining!

Singaporeans comprain about everything. Right from accommodating physically challenged to dog poo in their HDB void deck. They comprain about teens who grope each other on public transport and when their kids get myopia.

But here is the best part – they expect the gahmen to do something about all this compraining. The general practice is to go to the nearest coffee shop and comprain to everyone within earshot. But since the internet revolution has caught on here, Singaporeans at best will email the forum page in the local newspaper and comprain about anything they see/hear/smell.

Just a few days ago, one dude wrote to the local paper compraining about allegedly ‘nasty messages’ that he saw some people wear on their T-shirts. One said, “I am surrounded by idiots” and the other displayed the classic “middle finger”. The letter writer took offence to such T-shirts and with a ‘Uniquely Singaporean’ display of civic responsibility decided to write to the newspaper and comprained.

His duty seems finished by just highlighting such an occurrence. Now it’s supposedly up to the gahmen to investigate the incident, run a check on the number of people wearing ‘offensive’ T-shirts, pass legislation and of course, enforce the rules. Singaporeans seriously think the gahmen has no other better work to do.

Rarely do Singaporeans decide to stand up and say,

“Now that is something I don’t agree wif. Let me do something about it. Let me get together with other like-minded people and brainstorm on possible ways to resolve the issue (if it is a problem in the first place)”

The classic case of compraining has to do with littering. Whenever Singaporeans see a strewn piece of paper, they will comprain to the management, town council, office admin, whoever. The more clever ones will try to fill their quota by sending in a staff suggestion. But they will rarely pick up the piece of paper and put it in the bin. But Singaporeans of course hold the final trump card against the gahmen. They can just tell the gahmen,

Gahmen! yes you, gahmen! in primary school, you teach me engrrish, mathematis, physik, kemistree but you never teach me civic responsibility. How I supposed to know har? Gahmen, I prove to you that I very creative. I suggest to you hor, to put in place a program in civic responsibility’ for all Singaporeans. Must have certificate one. Enrolling into course must come wif travel and handphone discount vouchers Employers must give us increment after completing course.

Satisfied with their effort, Singaporeans will then go back and think creatively about what else to comprain about.

P.S: yeah, I know it’s ironical that I am compraining about comprainers. Anyone interested in joining my “Zap the Comprainers into Outer Space” society, please email me.

Press Freedom Index – Achieving the Impossible

2005-10-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

From 147th to 140th! Yeah baby, we have achieved the near impossible. We managed to jump seven places in the press freedom index put out by Reporters Sans Frontieres. Well, the local media can now blow their trumpet because that they surpassed analysts’ expectations. Yeah, everyone thought that North Korea would surely get ahead of us :)

We should also be very proud that we are still probably the only first world country to rub shoulders with third world giants like China and show regional solidarity with Philippines, Vietnam and Myanmar. But for those of you who fear that we might be left behind, don’t you worry. Because hor, at this rate (7 places every year) we will be numero uno, number 1, pertama in .... [drumroll] .... 20 years time!!! Don’t be surprised if our gahmen initiates a Goal 2025 campaign so that everyone will forget Goal 2010 very soon :)

Our local media supposedly “have quite different style”. How like dat? Ask the media in North Korea and Myanmar, they also say they got different style one. Also, the newspaper report was probably a bit too quick to point out that the rankings “should in no way be taken as an indication of the quality of the press in the countries concerned”. Yeah, why should it? Just because North Korea and Myanmar are behind us in the rankings does not mean their press standards are worse than ours, koray or not? :)

Singaporean Lolitas – Only Parents to Blame?

2005-10-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

Other than terrorism, aids, dengue, birdflu, tsunami, hurricane and racist bloggers, Singaporeans have something new to worry about. Introducing, Singapore’s Lolitas!! (The Sunday Times, 23 Oct 2005). According the ‘informed’ article, Singaporean schoolgirls (usually underage) are offering sex in return for money.

The consensus, according to the article, is that parents and consumerism are the main cause for underage lolitas in Singapore. Of course, our world-class super-duper highest ranking education system where these kids spent a lot of their time ‘learning’ has nothing to do with it. Our schools only equip our kids with skills to get them jobs. Sex education is the job of parents and parents alone.

Oh and the media is just an ‘objective’ reporter in all of this. Consumerism of course, is something built into capitalist society. So if our media shows skimpy models wearing next-to-nothing in the newspapers and on TV, they are just informing the public. When they run advertisements on slimming bust enhancement that go great lengths to commoditize women, they are just earning revenue. And if the media gets a flurry of letters to their forum page for the next week because of this article, it is just an unintended consequence.

Schoolgirls offering sex for money is a problem. But I’m not sure if one can just blame parents outright. I am not sure if this is just a case where parents concentrate a lot of their careers and ignore the activities of their kid. In fact, I will not be surprised if many of these girls are raised by single parents or come from broken homes. When parents are struggling to provide for two-square meals a day, the kid is then usually raised by society in general and the school in particular.

A more in-depth study is probably needed before a conclusive answer. To blame the parents up front is at best, simplistic.

Milestones in Singapore’s Quest to be the Region’s Sex Hub

2005-10-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

You will not read this in our local newspapers ~~because there has been to official press release on this subject~~. But Singapore is aiming to be the sex hub of the region. Significant milestones in its quest....

Aug 2003 – Ban on bar top dancing lifted
Sep 2004 – Ban on Cosmopolitan magazine lifted
May 2005 – Crazy Horse cabaret to be shown
Aug 2005 – The Great Singapore Sex ~~Show~~ Exhibition
Oct 2005 – Big Boyz Toyz ~~Sex Show~~ Exhibition

Just as Bangkok has opened a spanking new airport to compete with Changi, we are taking on Patpong head on. This strategy will draw tourists with loads of money here and put Singapore on the world sex map. If you though that we are copying Bangkok outright, you are very wrong. Remember hor, in Singapore we do everything the Uniquely Singaporean way. In Bangkok, all the sleaze takes place one floor above… in Singapore, we do it in the .... [drumroll] .... dungeon!

“.... the grapevine has it that bondage and sado-machochistic paraphernalia may well be on the menu in the dungeon”

Oooh.... kinky! Maybe they can get ex-Changi Prison inmates to give some expertise on how to build the dungeon. I mean with the décor :)

Of course, locals will be shielded from all this sleaze in their own backyard. Not because the rear door is closed (well, it is if you have an alternative sexual lifestyle in Singapore), but because of a ‘hefty’ fee to enter the immoral world. I wont be surprised if Singaporeans sell their HDB flat to get a taste of gahmen-approved sin.

The authorities will be lurking outside these sleaze venues. Not only to catch the criminals but also people who begin humping the lamppost as soon as they exit the place. In Singapore as you know, such gyrations are reserved only for the bedroom, the washroom and in front of the computer screen :)

On Scripts and the new James Bond

2005-10-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

Sometime last week....

Someone: Do you know how to write a script?
Me: Er, never written one in my life but I can try lor
Someone: This one very big project noe....
Me: Like the gahmen say, I am committed to retraining myself so as to keep myself employed
Someone: Whatever.... in what language can you write the script?
Me: Er, English I suppose. My French vocabulary is limited to "Voulez vous cousher avec moi? Ce soir!"
Someone: *incredulous look*
Me: What?
Someone: Er, I’m talking about writing a script in Java.
Me: Hey sure, I can go to Indonesia and write a script.
Someone: Ok, you are now officially certified to be a non-geek.
Me: Ah, didn’t realize I would give up my previous incarnation this soon.

Talking about scripts, the new James Bond has been announced. Some blue-eyed dork called Daniel Craig. Someone decided to ask Singapore media personalities on what they think about the new James Bond. ~~Probably they could not get an interview with the new guy~~

Vernon A, true to his voice, is an ardent James Bond fan. But I like Royston Tan's take the best....

I have always hated the Bond movies. They are outdated, sexist films that try very, very hard. If I were to suggest an actor to play the new James Bond, I would nominate Stephen Chow. I think he would give a new twist to a very tired genre.

Stephen Chow noe. Dun pray pray ok....

Demystifying the flawed PSLE Math Question

2005-10-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

The super intelligent people who set the PSLE math exam paper messed up a question this year. The infamous problem was to find out the area of a small rectangle given the dimensions of two triangles and a bigger rectangle.

Simple enough you say? Well, it turns out the multiple choice question did list a ‘correct’ answer but the question was er, flawed. How so? At a glance, the problem is easily solvable. But when you try to actually try to construct a rectangle based on the dimensions given, cannot leh (see pitcher taken from The Straits Times)

But Singaporeans are not giving in so easily. They say, only chewren who got the ‘correct’ answer should be given marks for that question. Only these chewren should have a better chance of getting through a secondary school of their choice. If there was an apparent ‘correct’ answer, who gives a shit whether the rectangle can be constructed or not? Secondary school more important than drawing a rectangle, koray or not?

The people who set the exam paper use a very deep logic when setting the problems. I dreamt last night about how they went set this question....

Step 1: Draw the rectangle on a large piece of paper
Step 2: Throw darts and pick the areas to shade
Step 3: The winner gets to choose the ‘unknown’ area

Question Setter 1: Last week, you got attend annual dinner party or not?
Question Setter 2: Of course, got free food what....
Question Setter 1: How many lobsters did you eat?
Question Setter 2: Fifteen
Question Setter 1: Ta da, we have the length of the rectangle
Question Setter 2: And how many beers did you have?
Question Setter 1: Six
Question Setter 2: Ta da, breadth of the rectangle
Question Setter 1: How old is your son?
Question Setter 2: Four. How old is your daughter?
Question Setter 1: Eight
Question Setter 2: Brilliant, the areas of the two shaded areas settle oredi

That’s not all....

Question Setter 1: You know what, we now have the numbers 15, 6, 4, 8
Question Setter 2: In order to get to the answer, they have to find out the area of half the rectangle. That’s 45.
Question Setter 1: And the answer to the question is 25.
Question Setter 2: Awesome, 15, 6, 4, 8, 45, 25 – now can go and buy TOTO hor....

In order to determine whether this dream is true or not, I decided to travel to ulu National Institute of Education. Guess what I found.... they have a centre of Singapore Centre for Teaching Thinking. I dunno whether it was (1) to teach the teachers on how to teach students how to think or (2) to teach the teachers themselves how to think :) Anyways, the board was blank.... go figure :)

Singapore Creativity Reaches New Heights

2005-10-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

Singapore’s creativity was at its best when there was a sign that encouraged students to pick up minors (minor subjects that is). Creativity in Singapore reached its pinnacle with the masterful naming of Marina Bay as er, Marina Bay. I thought I had seen it all but alas, it was not to be.

In our overdrive to brand ourselves as a Fine City, we go around putting up signs like this….

Probably in our attempt to be super-duper efficient, we decided not to waste space and put the “By Law” and “Fine: $1000” texts inside the “no smoking” circle. Congratulations, I wont be surprised if the man who made this poster for a promotion :)

Introducing Singapore’s Unattended-Bags-Threat Police

2005-10-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

A brilliant person out there has discovered a ~~casual~~ causal connection between a Singaporean bad habit and the fear of terrorist bombings. We are really more susceptible that we thought.... *shiver*

This esteemed person, whose intentions I am sure is good, went to a KFC outlet and saw that people were chopping seats with their bags. Chances are that he/she did not get a place to sit. At that very instant, all the education imparted to him/her comes together and generates an out-of-the-box brainwave. Terrorists, not thieves but terrorists, can take advantage of this bad habit by Singaporeans.

He/she then makes a bold move to write to our well-respected local newspaper about this idea and the forum editor makes an even bolder move by publishing it.

So similar to Singapore’s public nuisance police, let us introduce the spanking new Singapore’s unattended-bags-threat police. These highly trained personnel will hang out in hawker centers, food courts and fast food outlets and keep a lookout for people who leave their bags unattended. If you leave your bag on a seat and walk to the stall even 5m away to get your food, you can be charged. The bags with all its contents will be confiscated. And the seat will be given to the well deserving bags-free patron. Yay, Singapore plugs yet another loophole in its anti-terrorism strategy thanks to a concerned citizen and of course, our local broadsheet that published the letter... *clap*clap*

Oh ya, the next time you want to chop seat, use a tissue packet ... until someone else writes to the local newspaper about how the packet of tissue could actually be a terrorist bomb in disguise.

Being Physically Challenged in Singapore

2005-10-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

Singaporeans are an efficient bunch. They try to maximize all resources at least cost. Adam Smith, John Stuart Mill and David Ricardo will be proud.

For instance, when they see an empty parking lot that is meant for the physically challenged, the train of thought that has been drilled into them since primary school goes something like this....

Empty parking lot => Waste of space => waste of resources => cost with no benefit => economy is affected => jobs will be lost => Singapore will sink

A similar thinking process is triggered when a suggestion to modify public buses to accommodate the physically challenged is raised. One response says that the “disabled are too demanding”. And the letter writer has this to say….

Like it or not, any delay has a cost in terms of longer travel times. Wheelchair users would need more time to board and alight from buses and this would hold up other passengers. Being patient and understanding is one thing. Being late for work because of it is another.

Oh ya, I forgot that able-bodied Singaporeans have a very important job to do every morning and if some physically challenged people get up in the public buses delaying them by a few minutes, the world will come to an end. When able-bodied Singaporeans see that they have to circle around the car park trying to find a lot, their fellow physically challenged citizens have it easy. “Where is the meritocracy?” they ask.

The Singaporean motto: we can show compassion but it has to be efficiently executed

For the people who really want to know what it means to be in a wheelchair and move around Singapore, read this from a blogger who “is thankful to be alive”.

South Asia Earthquake and The Sunday Times

2005-10-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

On Saturday evening, the news channels of BBC, CNN (and some say even Channelnewsia) were full of reports on the catastrophic South Asia earthquake. BBC and CNN even had live reports from the disaster site with heaps on information on how relief efforts were going on.

I was hoping to get more information from the newspaper on Sunday. But when I saw the headlines that said....

$160m plan to transform Aljunied

.... I flinched. The article on the earthquake was on page 14 or 15.

Oh well, I guess Singaporeans are not interested in reading about thousands dead and suffering in some far flung Northwest Frontier province when there is an election to prepare for.

Because God told me so

2005-10-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

Usually, the U.S. President George Bush gives the world something to laugh about. When he becomes vigilant about what he says, then it’s the media who come up with gaffes about him. But I reckon that George sees the need to show earthlings like us why he is the most powderful man in the world.

In a BBC series called Elusive Peace focusing on the Arab-Palestinian issue, a senior Palestinian negotiator quoted Bush as saying,

President Bush said to all of us: 'I'm driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, "George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan." And I did, and then God would tell me, "George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq …" And I did. And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, "Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East." And by God I'm gonna do it.’

And all this while we thought the invasion of Iraq was about the oil, democracy and getting revenge on Saddam. I wonder what else God is going to ask him to do.

The White House realizing the humungous damage this comment can cause, has come out to deny it and even got the Palestinians to issue a clarification of sorts.

Overheard: God, please tell George Bush to get rid of dengue mosquitoes and bus fare cheats in Singapore. Thanks in advance.

BBC is Objective meh?

2005-10-07T16:00:00.000-07:00

Whenever anyone stands up and says there are objective, fair and balanced, you can be rest assured that they are not. Its one of those ironical statements in life. A senior BBC staff has just made this claim.

In my previous incarnation, I used to think that CNN was the best thing that happened to mankind since the discovery of the atom. Then came the second Iraq war. Judging the pathetic way of how CNN handled that event, I swore that CNN was helluva partial TV channel. In my rather utopian quest for some 'objective' news, I turned to the BBC. I was initially impressed and then the London bombings took place. When there was a crisis at 'home', they flinched from the so-called fair-and-balanced reporting of the terrorist atacks.

Every single news media has a bias. On one hand, it could favor the state, nation-building or a particular poltical party. On the other hand, it could support a particular form of democracy, freedom of speech and human rights. Whichever the case, it is a bias. Whether it is trusted or not depends on the position of YOU, the viewer. Whether you support nation-building, a particular political party, an individual form of democracy, a specific notion of human rights or a unique conception of freedom of speech will determine on whether you think a particular news media is prejudiced or not.

Singapore ranked 54th on Livability Rankings

2005-10-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

We are supposed to be best in everything we do. Or are we? I read the news article over and over again but it looked like there was no error. The Economist Intelligence Unit (EUI) came out with its livability rankings and we were ranked …. [drumroll] …. a whopping 54th out of 127 countries !!!!

The top 10 countries on the list were Vancouver, Melbourne, Vienna, Geneva, Perth, Adelaide, Sydney, Zurich, Toronto and Calgary in that order. Tokyo was 16th and Auckland, Osaka and Wellington were 20th. Surprise, Surprise, Hong Kong, our arch rivals, was 41st.

According the EUI survey, the livability ranking,

part of the Worldwide Cost of Living Survey, assesses living conditions in 127 cities around the world by looking at nearly 40 individual indicators grouped into five categories: stability; healthcare; culture and environment; education; and infrastructure.

If these are the markers used, how come we are 54th?

Stability in Singapore is surely the best in the world. We reprimand students for posting bad ~~but possibly accurate~~ things about teachers on their blogs – for fear that if such things are not contained, they will snowball out of control. With all the high-tech equipment and rising hospital prices, healthcare in Singapore must also be the best in the world.

Our environment is the greenest in the world. For heavens sake, we even paint some HDB blocks green. We are the best when it comes to racing on train platforms and cutting lanes on the expressway. So we should have scored really high on culture.

Going simply by the weight of our school kid’s bag, we should be in the top 5 on the education scale. Include all the overseas expertise we use to build our universities, we should be numero uno. We have the best airport, transportation system, information technology stuff – surely one of the best in the world.

I think we should dispute these rankings by EUI. We should give the staff of EUI a free subscription to our local newspapers. That way, they will know that we live in paradise and most of us have already attained nirvana.

Singapore’s Amazing Race: The 50m Dash

2005-10-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

I think Singaporeans are the world’s best when it comes to the 50m dash. No kidding, there is race that takes place every weekday.

Venue: Jurong, City Hall, Raffles Place and Tanah Merah MRT stations
Time: 6AM – midnight
Cost: FREE!

The race starts when there one train just enters the station and there happens to be another train in the adjacent platform.

On your marks
Get Set
Go, go, go !!!

As soon as your carriage door opens, you make a dash to any open train door on the other side. If you manage to get in, you have qualified for the Premiership League. If you manage to get in and find a place to sit down, you can participate in the Champions League.

Singaporeans take this race very seriously. Their determination to reach their destination is amazing. They get very annoyed when anyone comes in their way during the way. Even if it happens to be pregnant lady, a disabled person or a school kid.

As we all know, Singaporeans don’t like losing, the kiasu syndrome as it is commonly known. So if the train doors close before they get in, they wait on the platform for the next train to roll in. As soon as the doors open, they block the way of other fellow Singaporeans taking part in the race. It's all about survival of the fittest....

So as you can see, there is a lot of dynamics and uncertainty in these races. Can probably make a reality show out of this – Singapore’s Amazing Race: The 50m Dash. This running practice by Singaporeans will be paying off in the near future. Very soon we will be able to call ourselves the 50m hub.

I think the sports authorities need to sit up and take notice of this nascent talent. It needs to be nourished. We sure win the SEA Games gold.

Scientific Research in Singapore

2005-10-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

Singapore is pumping huge amounts of money into R&D. The standard cliché that the new economy will be powered by innovation and research is played across all news channels in the country. Does this mean Singapore is going to become the hub of scientific research in the world? (well, we have to be the hub of something).

Singapore’s primary focus is less on doing basic research and more on generating jobs. Nothing wrong with this approach at all. In fact, I think it has served Singapore well. I am glad that this view has now been made crystal clear (by none other than the controversial chairman of an important public sector company). He said....

'In Singapore, we have a small population, we have no such luxury to do basic science. The key is to be practical. We cannot have everything. By nature, I want to see some outcome...I want something I can feel and touch, and knock.'

'My job is to create jobs. It's not just to create great science and great things. Don't forget Nobel Prizes don't create jobs. Research, to me, is a means to an end. The end, to me, is to attract and encourage local companies and MNCs and create jobs for all Singaporeans, from the CEO down to the cleaning lady.'

(The Straits Times, 3 October 2005)

So if you plan to do research on questions like....

- Is there a positively charged matter smaller than a proton (not the car lah)?
- Are there places in the universe where Einstein’s and Newton’s laws do not apply? (no, its not the dengue mosquito breeding area)
- With what frequency do prime numbers occur? (no, its not every month)
- Any other question that whose main objective is to advance knowledge

.... then you can go fly kite. Despite the many news reports you read about the number of patents filed in the various fields, it matters only when it translates into jobs. An invention that can employ fellow Singaporeans is what we are looking for.

So the real goal we are striving towards is not scientific research, but to be the job hub of the region. And I am not exactly sure where this toilet innovation fits into the bigger picture :)

Living Life as a Worst Case Scenario

2005-10-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Editor,

This morning when I was at home, the newspaper vendor gave me the local paper. As I was flipping though the pages, I got a rude shock – there was this incredible letter. Shouldn’t the newspaper staff have noticed the letter and stopped it from being published? What if the letter writer was not in the right state of mind when he/she had written the piece to the newspaper?

The letter in question was this....

Yesterday morning, when I was in an MRT train a man with a haversack and a red hand carrier walked in.

As he put his carrier on the floor, I got a rude shock – he was holding a 50cm-long saw. Shouldn't the MRT staff have noticed the saw and asked him to at least wrap it up in newspapers and put it in a carrier?

What if he was not in a right state of mind and had started attacking people on the train at the peak hour?

Maybe we should ban knives so that no mentally deranged person steals them from shops and goes around killing everyone. No wait, we should ban alcohol so that any person not in the right state of mind would drink too much and swim in his own puke. While we are at it, let’s ban cars so that people of unsound mind do not drive and run over people standing at a bus stop. To top it all off let’s ban bloggers so that a mentally unstable person would not go around writing racist articles.

The series of ‘what if’ questions can range from bad to morbid. But for how long will we want to the authorities to check on every single minute thing? The letter writer does not enlighten us of what he/she did when he/she saw the man with the saw (pun unintended). And how exactly does putting the saw in a carrier or newspaper prevent a person of unsound mind? Did he/she get off at the next train stop or travel the whole journey in fear?

Speaking of fear, there does seem to be lots of fear in Singapore. Fear of dengue, fear of bloggers. For how long are we planning to live life as a worst case scenario? But despite all this fear, we have NOT become the Fear Hub of the region. The Asian version of the Fear Factor series is being launched in Malaysia.

Be very afraid, this blog entry is going to eat you in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1

Big, Bigger and Biggest Brudder

2005-09-30T14:00:00.000-07:00

“The Big Brudder is always watching us” is a fairly common saying in Singapore. But unknown to most, there is a Bigger Brudder.

When people began to throw themselves in front of MRT trains to end their misery, the authorities decided to install CCTVs (the Big Brudder) in all the stations to ‘monitor’ activity. After some hiccups, the Big Brudder finally got functioning.

"You are being watched by Big Brudder for your own good."

That was the tagline used and soon after the number of people who like to jump in front of moving trains dropped dramatically. Suddenly everybody was happier. Until the day came when one guy lost his laptop at the train station and lost it. Everyone turned to the Big Brudder for help but was told that Big Brudder may have been looking the other way.

And in the process, it has now been revealed that there may be another CCTV system (Bigger Brudder) which monitors the MRT stations and the train staffs don’t have access to this footage. This Bigger Brudder is there to ensure that the Big Brudder does its job.

This incident will fade away and everyone will again be happy that Bigger Brudder is watching both Big Brudder and us. Now I wonder.... could there be a Biggest Brudder? :)

The Known Unknowns Revisited

2005-09-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

In a Department of Defence News Transcript, Donald Rumsfeld, the Secretary of Defence made this infamous statement....

"The message is that there are no "knowns." There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."

I think we have just managed to match the above statement with one of our own. Talking about the Casino Control Bill, one good minister took pains to explain the size of the department that will control anti-vice activities. He said…

"We don't want an oversized department and end up not having much to do. We hope we don't have much to do, but at the same time when we need to do a job, we make sure we have enough people to do the job or, at least, to understand how to do the job."

I guess just saying that “the department size will be sufficient enough” would have been too confusing for Singaporeans :)

Prestigious School in Bishan-Ang Mo Kio Area

2005-09-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

First it was the issue of taupok-ing.

And now there is the 'problem' of school kids writing bad ~~but possibly accurate~~ things about their teachers.

And in both cases, there is one common link - “prestigious school in Bishan-Ang Mo Kio Area”. Oh stop it already. I can’t take it anymore. What in the world is “prestigious school in Bishan-Ang Mo Kio Area”? Hiding behind a veil of anonymity? In a place like Singapore where privacy is worse than the chewing gum stuck on the underside of your shoe, how can such secrecy be allowed? :)

I decided to do the unthinkable among Singaporean journalists – investigate. I wanted to use the Street Directory but then remembered that they copyright all their maps and if I use it for a greater good, they will surely sue me. So I went to the best source possible – Google Earth!

That’s Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area for you but cannot make out anything because of the clouds. Next stop – MOE website. A criteria search revealed the answer. But I guess most of us know the answer by now oredi :)

Funny also hor, how the letter to the newspaper spoke about blogging at an all boys school but the kids against who action was taken were all girls :) Guess that only means that there is more drama to come....

btw, mrbrown has a damn funny suggestion on how the teachers can respond to students blogging about them...

Maybe teachers should start their own blogs and flame their students back. Better yet, have a yearly Interschool Teacher-Student Flamewar Blogging Championship. Like a WWE of blogging.

I think its a foregone conclusion that the teachers will win. If not, the students sure kenna in their school work.

Singapore Heartland in Texas?

2005-09-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

I looked and looked for anything that may seem remotely familiar in the pitcher but cannot find leh. I must be able to spot the MRT or the library. But nope, I really could not place the location. The caption (in the The Straits Times, 24 Sep 05) clearly said that

"Woodlands residents waving to cars north-bound on Interstate 45 during the evacuation ahead of Hurricane Rita"

There were many things that didn't seem right....

1. Woodlands oredi in the north, so north-bound means what ??? going Malaysia is it?
2. But Singapore and Malaysia both dun have Interstate 45 what...
3. Hurricane Rita in Southeast Asia? According to the list of hurricane names here, we should not be using Rita.

I could not figure it out till my kaaki tell me that may be U.S. got one city called Woodlands. I was like... oh ya hor, like dat also can. So I decided to check it out and indeed there is a
Woodlands in Texas. And no, its not a Singapore heartland :)

Maybe our media really expected all Singaporeans to know that there was a city called Woodlands in the U.S. and I am the bodoh.... :)

The Ongoing Biological War in Singapore

2005-09-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

Overheard in a dark, moist and secluded place somewhere in Singapore....

[Leader]: Dear comrades, I have some grave news. The enemy has intensified its attack on us. They are beginning to use gas and mercilessly kill all of us.
[Comrades]: How many casualties?
[Leader]: Hundreds of thousands!!
[Comrades]: How many deaths on their side?
[Leader]: Ten

The above conversation refers to the ongoing biological war in Singapore - the battle that we are waging against .... [drumroll] .... mosquitoes. The commander of the mosquitoes talks to his people. The conversation continues….

[Comrades]: But why are they killing all of us?
[Leader]: I am not sure. It’s a war against our whole community.
[Comrades]: But its only a handful of extrem(aedes)ists that are the cause of the problem. The majority of us are moderates.
[Leader]: Yes, of course. But they don’t seem to realize this.
[Comrades]: Can all we moderates send them a cluster petition?
[Leader]: Every time we form a cluster to file a petition, they come and gas us out. Then they reveal our secret clustering sites on something they call a website.

[Comrades]: What options do we have?
[Leader]: One way is to think of a way to contribute to their GDP.
[Thinker]: Well, we could suck blood from reluctant blood donors and give it to their blood bank.
[Leader]: It’s unlikely that they will accept this proposition because the extrem(aedes)ists could infiltrate our ranks.
[Thinker]: With the huge rise in the number of insecticide bottles being sold, aren’t we already contributing to their GDP with our lives?
[Leader]: Hmmm....

[Leader]: What is biggest problem faced by our enemy? Maybe we can help them solve that and get a peace deal in the process.
[Spy]: Bus fare cheats.
[Leader]: Ah, any ideas on what we can do about them?
[Thinker]: Maybe we can get the extrem(aedes)ists to monitor buses and if any passenger cheats, they can give him the dengue!
[Leader]: Brilliant, they will save $9 million and hopefully we will not be gassed.

Did Race Really Matter? - Part II

2005-09-23T16:00:00.000-07:00

In an earliest post, I mentioned that our 'objective' media are unnecessarily citing the race of the subjects of their article. Well, they are at it again.

Casual use of race when reporting a murder. Why? Why? Why in the world does the race of the victim matter? Will he/she be treated differently? Why the accused be treated differently?

Please, grow up.

Are Hurricane Names Sexist?

2005-09-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

After the seething rage of Katrina and now the fury of Rita, I wonder whether hurricane names are sexist. I was tempted to say ‘YES’ and be the person who discovered something cool and of course, claim moral higher ground :) But I decided to check out the history of hurricane names and there were a lot more interesting finds....

The history of hurricane names seems to have come more out of necessity than anything else. The use of female names is credited to one Clement Wragge, an Australian meteorologist. He probably really believed that “Hell Hath no Fury Like a Woman Scorned”.

Hurricane names seem to have been christened after women till 1978 (when some women’s group protested). After that, both male and female names supposedly take turns. There six lists that are used in rotation. So after Katrina and before Rita, we should have heard about Lee, Maria, Nate, Ophelia and Philippe. I never hear about any of these leh. It’s not easy to be called Katrina or Rita today and thankfully, there is a list of retired hurricane names.

Just as I was about to think it’s the end of the road, I noticed the names given to cyclones by countries in our region. The meanings of these names reveal a lot....

Cambodian names follow flowers, trees, animals and a ‘pretty girl’!!!
Chinese names follow mythical animals.
North Korean names follow flowers, animals and trees too.
Hong Kong’s names follow mountains, airports and ‘common pet name for young girls’!!!
Japanese names follow astronomical constellations.
Laos’ names follow trees, animals and rivers.
Macau’s names follow flowers, bird, insects and food!!!
Malaysian names follow fish, flowers, fruits and animals.
Micronesian names follow spices, a chief’s title and mythical creatures.
Filipino names follow animals and adjectives!!!
South Korean names follow animals, insects and flowers.
Thai names follow flowers, fruits and Gods!!!
Vietnamese names follow birds, trees, places and planets!!!

And no, Singapore does not provide a list of names. That’s probably because we never have a cyclone here. Our gahmen will make sure of that :) But if we did, then I wonder what the names will be....

- Blogger
- Opposition Party
- Mosquito
- Madcow
- Haze

Lantern Festival at Chinese Gardens

2005-09-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

I went to the lantern festival at Chinese Gardens recently. The theme this time was 'Animals' and they made sure that everything from extinct dinosaurs to mythical dragons were lit up.

There was a pretty good facade at the entrance....

And of course, loads of animals....

Lotsa game stalls, entertainment and of course, food....

To add a final touch to the whole festival, I also noticed that they had a cut-out an upright white elephant and also one that is being attacked by a tiger.... mebbe the organizers are trying to tell us something :)

My full Flickr set is here. I have used the tag lanternfestival for these photos. Feel free to add to the list if you have any more :)

Did Race Really Matter?

2005-09-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

Soon after the incident when two bloggers were charged with making racist comments, I felt that there is more to the racist incident that just the debate about ‘freedom of speech’ and ‘blogging with responsibility’. One of the things that I highlighted in an earlier post was that....

Racism exists because of Race: You can alter the way you dress, change your job, amend your political loyalties and even choose another religious faith. But you can’t change your race. I wonder whether racism has something to do with the existential nature of race. Maybe if we avoid using race as a way to manage Singapore society, it could help in alleviating racist attacks.

Let me elaborate slightly more today. There are two news reports that caught my eye yesterday. The first was a front page article about an elderly homeless couple who stayed in a car park. Nothing wrong with that per se, but one sentence caught my eye....

"Both are Chinese."

A few pages down, there was another article on a security guard found murdered. Again nothing wrong with that; just that the opening line went...

"A Chinese security guard in his late 40s...."

Was the race of the elderly couple and the security guard important or even relevant to the main thrust of the article? NO. Yet it was mentioned as if it was significant. The casual use of the race of a human being in day-to-day lingo is distressing. As a first step, lets try to get rid of identifying with race. Because all it provides for is stereotypes, nothing more.

Older Workers Transfer Knowledge meh?

2005-09-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

There is an ad on the MRT nowadays about how older workers can acquire new skills and remain employable. While the campaign may be a good thing, one of the ads quotes an older saying this....

(My apologies for the shaky photograph. Not my fault leh, the train nowadays shake a lot one. It says… What I learn, I pass on to my juniors so that they can learn at their age what I know at my age)

Got such thing one meh? All the older workers I know are very very very …. very ….v..e..r..y hesitant to teach the younger workers what they know. There is a mentality among most older workers that if they transfer their knowledge to the younger ones, they become dispensable. And during the next retrenchment exercise, they will be the first to go.

And why not? It makes logical sense doesn’t it? Why should the older worker be the only one retraining like crazy? The newbie will no doubt be able to do the same job at a much cheaper salary. All the older workers I have met or spoken to, all try to carve out their niches in the company. They are of course, very diligent in their jobs but try their very best to keep the tricks of their trade a secret. Ask them to document what they are doing and you will see lots of foot-dragging.

Hence I don’t really understand the point of the ad…. but am sure our scholarship-holding civil servants must have a theory about this that will put Derrida to shame :)

In Defence of the Singaporean Man

2005-09-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

The debate of whether why Singaporean women seemingly prefer angmoh men to locals will surely ever reach a consensus. I don’t mean to stir the hornets nest again but there were a couple of things which I heard/noticed that bring me to dispel certain myths about Singaporean men.

I don’t particularly want to get into discussing issues of anatomy, since people more well-versed in Hokkien than I am can articulate their ~~fears~~ views rather eloquently albeit in a crude manner :)

Myth 1: The Singaporean man does not know how to groom himself

This is so totally untrue. While the Singaporean man may not wear designer clothes all the time, he does know how to dress for the occasion. I passed by a local swimming pool recently. I expected to two-piece bikinis all over the place but I was instead greeted by not one, not two but many local men all sunbathing to get tanned! (see pic) I should say that none of them had an ounce of extra fat on them.

Myth 2: Singaporean men are not chivalrous

This again is totally false. Holding doors open for women may not be our forte but we have mastered the art of waiting outside a shoe shop why the love-of-our-life tries on the gazillion shoes she would love to have in her life. This pic was taken a Wisma Atria where the local men wait patiently. We could have gone to grab a beer or play video games but nope, here we are dutifully waiting.

All in all, I don’t think Singaporean men need to worry too much about our local women eloping with angmohs. We have our strengths and the angmohs have their weaknesses. Also, we rarely hear of angmoh women complaining about their men liking exotic Asian women. Is that because there are enough men to go around? I don’t know but I think that the Singaporean man will do well by expanding his horizons beyond the shores of Sentosa.

The Singaporean women may consider the above two points irrelevant and still prefer the angmoh for other reasons. But I’m not sure she knows what she is missing :p

Buying over Malaysia

2005-09-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have you noticed this ad in the local papers every other week. Every time I see it, it makes me wonder how many Singaporeans out there respond to this kinda stuff

Here IS a DUDE who CLAIMS that HE has PURCHASED twelve MALAYSIAN properties IN three YEARS. And YET the BEST he CAN do IS to PUT out AN ad THAT reads LIKE…er, this sentence :) What happened to that gorgeous supermodel or skimpily-clad celebrity who poses in front of his properties?

What’s more, he wants to share his secrets wif you. Yeah, he wants to tell you how to buy twelve Malaysian properties in three years. But what he does not tell you (at least in the ad) is what he stands to gain by telling you all these *whispers* secrets. The best part comes at the end....

I would like to personally invite you to this specially arranged meeting with me. It’s FREE but as I have only very limited space, you need to SMS now so that I may reserve a place for you. SMS NOW before all the seats are taken up. Your seat is confirmed once I receive your SMS.

Wah lau.... where got like this one? You have limited space yet once you receive my SMS, my seat is confirmed? And why must only SMS hor? So that you can get my handphone number and hound me later issit? If 3 million Singaporeans respond to his call and actually get 12 properties every 3 years, I think we might be able to buy over all of Malaysia in a few decades :)

Media Gaffes on Bush

2005-09-14T15:00:00.000-07:00

Guess these have been circulating in emails for a while now. But when the media commits a faux pas on Bush, I crack up.

This first one was after Bush won the last election. Some 'brilliant' CNN dude named the picture in question, asshole.jpg. An attentive surfer saw this and decided to spread the message. If I am not wrong, the guy lost his job ~~for telling the truth~~.

This other one is more recent after the Katrina disaster. It was Sky News this time and it says

I wonder whether the news producer got whacked for this :)

I dun think our media commits such gaffes. At least I haven’t seen any. Time to pray… hard :)

Changi – The Bestest Airport Evar

2005-09-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder whether our media have a tendency to write the conclusion of an article before getting the data required to substantiate the thesis. In an article on Changi airport last week, I suspect that the foregone conclusion was that Changi airport is the bestest airport evar.

The articled titled, “Despite crashes, flying's safe” said that major airplane accidents were at the “lowest level of 0.06 per one million departures last year”. It goes to talk about dun know what ‘Taxi-On-The-Greens' lighting system and quotes one guy as saying

“This is only available in Changi and is one of the things that distinguishes Changi from many airports around the world — even the major ones”

A correction to the above article was published yesterday. The level of accidents is actually at 0.6 per million departures. Heeelllooo? That’s like a 10 percent discrepancy you know. But of course, conclusion of the original article is still the same – Changi is safe :)

And the quote on the lighting system was WRONG. The guy actually said that other airports like London’s Heathrow also have this system. Wah lau.... so it’s not unique to Changi. But of course, the conclusion of the original article is still the same – Changi is safe :)