t Double Yellow's Musings: The National Service Condom
The warped mind of Double Yellow craves for humor everyday. His daily dose comes from The Straits Times, The Sunday Times, Today, Channelnewsasia, etc. He also thinks that because of this preamble, this blog will never get featured in the local media. And of course, please read the Disclaimer before embarking on the journey.

Friday, September 02, 2005

The National Service Condom

Location: HDB flat
Time: Dark, steamy night
Situation: Couple just about to make love

Hubby: Sweetheart, you look so hot tonight!
Wifey: *blushes*
Hubby: Sweetheart, should we try to make a baby tonight?
Wifey: Honey, I don’t really want kids now.
Hubby: I agree. We’re not ready. But you know…
Wifey: I know. That’s why I got a condom.
Hubby: YOU DID WHAT????
Wifey: This was the only way out. You know I can’t buy the pill anymore.
Hubby: But, but…
Wifey: Don’t worry. Just use it.

Just as the hubby goes to open the condom packet, highly-trained police come crashing through the windows that were just installed with new stainless steel rivets.

“Both of you are under arrest under the recently passed Population Act. You were designated to produce babies and increase the population of the nation. You are in violation of the law because you attempted to use a condom.”

If you think the above scenario is fiction, then think again. A VIP we all know has just recently said that demography is more crucial than democracy. And if he is right, sex, marriage and procreation may not be out of the purview of the gahmen.

In order to resolve this ‘problem’, I think the gahmen needs to make baby-making more adventurous. Maybe the gahmen can come up with its own brand of condom. Introducing ....[drumroll] .... National Service Condom. It will be sold by an organization than has the letters C, U, N and T in its acronym (not necessarily in that order). But the catch is this.... an unspecified number of those condoms will have a pin-prick hole in it. You see hor, the gahmen tells us that we are not very good risk takers. One way to get Singaporeans to take a calculated gamble on their future is by enticing them to use the National Service Condom.

Every year, maybe can even have lucky draw for all those couples who have babies thanks to this creative innovation. Other than IC, they need to produce the soiled condom for identification. All eligible couples can be made to appear on TV gazillion times and proudly narrate how wonderful it is to have a baby with the National Service Condom. The rest of us can then sms and vote for the couple who will be crowned the National Service Condom Idol.

Baby-making just became so much more fun....


Blogger AG said...

oh man.. that is just sick.. truly sick.

i bet the c u n t will go "bust" if they stock these condoms. :/ from all the lawsuits and paternity claims. bleah.

4:04 AM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

haha AG, nice pun there :) the organization can go bust only if they go against the other mammoth - the newspaper!

7:27 PM  
Blogger Beng said...

hahaha... good way to recount all the latest news! I especially like the stainless steel rivets part.

2:37 AM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

hehe beng, thanx dude :)

6:28 AM  
Blogger zeenie said...

eh, maybe even more potent than without the NS condom, since we all know what happens when you constrict the nozzle of any outflowing pipe!

6:45 PM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

haha zeenie, den maybe the gahmen could just ban all contraceptives including condoms :p

7:24 PM  

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