t Double Yellow's Musings: Why our <i>Gahmen</i> is like a Vending Machine – Top Ten Reasons
The warped mind of Double Yellow craves for humor everyday. His daily dose comes from The Straits Times, The Sunday Times, Today, Channelnewsasia, etc. He also thinks that because of this preamble, this blog will never get featured in the local media. And of course, please read the Disclaimer before embarking on the journey.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Why our Gahmen is like a Vending Machine – Top Ten Reasons

Our gahmen is a well-oiled, powderful and efficient machine. So much so that the gahmen repeatedly tells us that political stability is of paramount importance and if the existing political order is unsettled in any way, then it will mean the destruction of Singapore. I’m not saying all this is not true (it may very well be).

But when I found a sign on a vending machine that said “IT’s DANGEROUS to Rock or Tilt machine. Can fall over and cause injury or death”, I could not help but think of the similarities between our gahmen and a vending machine.

Here are the Top Ten Reasons....

10. The vending machine runs on power.

9. We have to pay the vending machine in order to get what we want.

8. The vending machine will accept only Singapore coins.

7. The choices available in the vending machine are varied so that every category of sweetmeats and drinks are well represented.

6. You can only select from the choices that the vending machine thinks is good for you.

5. Sometimes the vending machine may decide not to give you what you want even after you have paid for it.

4. If you abuse the vending machine, it will be like talking to a wall.

3. If you kick the vending machine when you don’t get what you want, it’s only your leg that will hurt.

2. Only someone who works for the vending machine can fix any problems with it.

And the Number 1 reason why our gahmen is like a vending machine is....

1. You have to bow before the vending machine everytime before you can take something that you have paid for!


Blogger zeenie said...

brilliant!!! *bows to Double Yellow*
This is going to change the way i look at vending machines forever!

12:29 AM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

hahah zeenie, dun hv 2 bow 2 me lah... *makes a lowest possible Japanese bow to the gahmen* :)

1:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Simply fabulous. I have one to add. **You can always get the same things for a lower price elsewhere. :)

1:27 AM  
Blogger Beng said...

Don't agree with this one: "4. If you abuse the vending machine, it will be like talking to a wall."

Should have been "If you abuse the vending machine, you will definitely be sued."

1:52 AM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

hahah ! true hor, you do get the same things for lower price elsewhere! cool :)

beng ah, i was thinking abt that too but i dunno how the vending machine can sue ppl like leh...so i had to choose 'talking to a wall'...

2:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post. Meanwhile, if only our vending machines have more variety, like those I saw in Japan.

2:35 AM  
Blogger andrew said...

heh, reasons 6 and 2 are so-so true...
gd one!

2:45 AM  
Blogger Stefan S said...


2:55 AM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

anonymous, singapore vending machines can nevah evah be like the ones like Japan lah... any hint of sleaze and u r out..:)

3:07 AM  
Anonymous desperate addict said...

This is so witty and hilarious!! The number one reason about bowing is the ultimate man!

3:16 AM  
Anonymous Fyui said...

WOW...nice one!!!! so true!!!!

4:40 AM  
Blogger coupdegrace said...

do believe the government accepts all denominations, particularly US dollars.

4:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Especially the no. 1 reason..really creative!

6:19 AM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

desperate addict, anonymous and fyui - thanx :)

coupdegrace, i was actually trying to say that only singaporeans will be accepted to join the gahmen :)

6:23 AM  
Blogger Ed, Edd & Eddy !!! said...

wahaha, so wickedly true and funny. Good job!

8:28 AM  
Blogger Elia Diodati said...

Cute :)

How about "You can get a refund if the vending machine screws up, but it's usually much more trouble than it's worth to call up the office and beg/grovel your way through the paperwork"?

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Yuri said...

Only Singaporeans can join the gahment?

Noo... change that to "the elite" or maybe a "selective herd". Herd as in cows, you know? Except there's a puppeteer who's going to pull their strings. :P

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what if the vending machine becomes empty leh?

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

capitalism tops it up again for you

4:20 PM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

ed, edd & eddy - thanx :)

elia, along those lines i was thinking of..."if something is wrong with the vending machine, you need to call a hotline number" :)

yuri, all cabinet members in the gahmen are all singaporeans wat..

anonymous, vending machine cannot become empty lah...there is always an injunction of fresh products from time to time..:p

7:06 PM  
Blogger Injenue said...

good shite!! lol..

7:34 PM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

injenue, thanq :) must hv had too many vodkas that day :p

7:56 PM  
Blogger Paul Delima said...


6. You can only select from the choices that the vending machine thinks is good for you.

Excellent observation my friend

10:48 PM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

karp ace, heheh...cdnt resist :)

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11:08 PM  
Blogger whodi said...

nice. Ive always been intrested in vending machines. good read. http://illnoise.blogspot.com/

11:24 PM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

hey whodi - thanx :) while it may be possible to hack into a vending machine, one surely cannot hack into our gahmen :)

11:44 PM  
Blogger Srikrishnak said...

hillarious...good comments on gahmen...particularly the "first" one...
**have to bow***

7:07 AM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

srikrishnak, thanx :) *bows back*

2:33 PM  
Blogger pleinelune said...

*bows down* I would never have thought of that. Great observation!

7:37 AM  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

haha pleinelune, thanx :) *bows back*

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vending machine like Iron Rice Box lah

9:12 PM  
Blogger Beau Lotus said...

That's a good one though I've never thought to look at vending machines in this angle ;-) In Europe, what they sell in these machines are expensive and the selection sucks. But now that I think about it, in Germany you find many vending machines for cigarettes (even at supermarket checkout and outside schools), in France for condoms and they used to sell chocolates and chips in other machines but after the new directive from the French health ministry now you find alot of machines selling...fruits (blegh). Actually, over here when the machine doesn't work, I call up and I sometimes got refunded more than what I've put in, but well doesn't make up for the other times when you did not get the good nor any refund.

10:23 AM  

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