t Double Yellow's Musings: How to get a Personality Test done in Singapore
The warped mind of Double Yellow craves for humor everyday. His daily dose comes from The Straits Times, The Sunday Times, Today, Channelnewsasia, etc. He also thinks that because of this preamble, this blog will never get featured in the local media. And of course, please read the Disclaimer before embarking on the journey.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

How to get a Personality Test done in Singapore

Nowadays, there are so many types of personality tests that one can take online. One that is circulating recently in chain mails is the Face Analyzer. By submitting a photograph of yourself, the program can tell you about your honour, income, ambition, promiscuity and even gay factor. Not bad huh? Sadly, these tests do not give you detailed explanations on how they arrived at the answers. This especially happens when they tell you that your promiscuity is ‘high’ but you never seem to get laid no matter how hard you try :)

In Singapore, we have devised a rather unique way to find out about your personality – all you have to do is to run for political office. Once you announce your intention, its almost as if you have clicked the “Submit” button. The machinery is set in motion and immediately, you will begin to see and hear things about yourself that you have forgotten or sometimes never known before.

If you want to hear good things about your personality, run as a mainstream candidate and overnight you will see what a good person you are at heart, how you helped the poor by raising more than five peanuts, how you keep fit by jogging, how you can make friends with ease and how you live a frugal life.... all this stuff is especially good when you want to write memoirs about yourself and make some more $ before you pop :)

If you want to hear not-do-good things about your personality, run as a non-mainstream candidate and without delay you will see all your deepest and darkest secrets out in the open. You may hear about

- how you dumped your first girlfriend
- how you left your coffee cup unwashed in the office pantry
- why your boss in your first job didn’t like you that much
- about your first visit to a strip club overseas.

All this will be revealed by

- your first girlfriend
- your office cleaning aunty to whom you forgot to give red packet during CNY
- your ex-boss whose feet you refused to lick
- the stripper whom you did not tip when she gave you a lap dance

In short, you will get a very clear picture of how you pretty much screwed up everything you did in your life.

Really, its that simple and fool-proof. I think our gahmen needs to patent this kind of stuff and work towards converting Singapore into a “personality test” hub before other countries think of this idea.

[Scene change - Singaporean in prayer]
God, I have only one request this week. Please make my boss run in the next GE as an opposition candidate. No wait, my mother-in-law too. Hang on, even my neighbour. I have so many things to say about them; things that I will never have chance to say otherwise. You can bring down the COE and petrol prices down next week.


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